Friday, April 30, 2010

Paleo Diet

I'm committing.

I'm going to do it.

I'm scared shitless . . . but I'm going to do it. I'm going to transition my diet to a paleo diet. After reading on Dear Thyroid an article by David Csonka and reading the comments of how eating paleo has helped others who also have thyroid disease. 

I wrote this down, and wish I'd made a note of where I found it, because it defines the paleo diet ingeniously! 

Paleo = "meat, veggies, fruits, nuts & seeds, little starch, no sugar"

Simple! Em likes simple! So does her Italian (maybe that's why he married her? Ha ha ha! Kidding!) 

The paleo diet will be good for the both of us too. It's a diet we can both do and will be something that is sustainable. It's a far cry from what I was looking at. Which was a primarily plant based diet. 

I'm excited about this . . . nervous . . . terrified . . . but excited. Glad I've finally made a decision and one that both my husband and I can do together. (It'll help keep us stuck to it!)

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Medication & Diet & Exercise . . . Or maybe not Exercise

Sorry for the back to back posts.

Thinking . . . it gets me everytime!

In doing a lot of research for my thyroid, I'd found that most of the stuff I was taking meds for was related to my hypothyroidism. So . . . I took myself off of them.

And . . . I did fine until recently. My thyroid's back acting crazy and so are the symptoms. I think I need to be taking my meds like I should be . . . especially my anxiety/anti-depressants. I absolutely HATE that I have to take those. But I'm noticing a downward trend here recently (have you noticed my blog posts have been more blah recently too?) so it's time to start popping the pills again. This time I (*sigh I guess, if I have to!) have to stay on them. I don't want to take them.

I HATE taking pills.

But for my mental health, for my husband's sanity . . . I need to stay on my medication!

Ergh . . .

And I still have to pick up my cholesterol meds. :-( I'm going to do that tonight! I promise! On my way home . . .
Yea, it has to be on my way home . . . or it won't happen. Cholesterol meds are the ones I HATE the most! It feels like overkill to me. Especially when my doctor never tried to adjust my diet.

And my diet has kinda sucked recently too. I've been researching various things . . . and eating healthy one minute, crap the next. I need to quit and just start eating healthy. Quit messing around and do something about it.

Small changes . . . . I think I put that in someone's comments? Yea, yea I did.

Time to take your own advise Em.

Start small. Lets look what you're eating. Let's cut out fast food . . . oops . . . ordered Domino's for lunch.

Okay, after lunch. No. More. Fast. Food.

Lets work on that for two weeks and see where it takes you . . . Okay?

Fine! Okay . . . 

 Now about my exer . . . 

CHILL WOMAN! Do what you've been doing and we'll deal with that SLOWLY too! No more shin splints okay? Those sucked!

Back to me?

Maybe . . . yesterday was an awful day! (Biggest reason I didn't post.)

I woke up crabby . . . again. At my poor Italian. (The man has the patience of a saint . . . I swear . . . and I can see I'm wearing it thin!)

So, on my way to work I stopped at Ukrop's . . . I mean Martin's. (Farewell dear Ukrops! You will be missed! Martin's can't compare! They can try . . . but they're not a Richmond institution like you were! You rocked! I'll miss your organic sections!) I did some retail therapy.

OH! And YUM! I found POMx Iced Chocolate Coffee! It was totally yum! Had soy in it. BOO!!

I also picked up a jar of Nutella. Otherwise known to me as crack in a jar. O . . . M . . . G! I'm glad it's slightly exspensive . . . Otherwise I think I'd try to LIVE off the stuff! SO yummy! (Really good in oatmeal too!) I think there's a recipe online for home-made nutella. I'm going to have to find it and make it. This stuff is incredible! YUM! But I don't get how it's a breakfast spread. It's far too sweet! Tastes more like a dessert to me!

On my way home yesterday I was thinking about the disparity between what the mirror tells me and what my mind's eye sees. In my head, I'm in shape, fit and totally healthy. The mirror shows a different picture. I've got a ways to go still. But I do have a shape. And it's not round!! I'm more hour glassish . . . if you look on from the front.

I don't think I'll ever be boyish straight. I'd have to be pretty wide to do that. I'm broad shouldered and it seems as though my hips for gotten bigger. Or is that just the excess on them? Eh . . . I like the way they look.

I made it back to Curves on Tuesday! YAY!! Speaking of which, I was up 1.8 pounds when I weighed in at Weight Watchers. But yesterday morning and this morning my scale at home has held me steady at 207.8, so that 1 pound disappeared. YAY!!

I was supposed to get my measurements done, but I really only had time to go once around the circuit before I had to leave for a meeting at church. Of course if I hadn't spent 30 minutes in the car talking to Mom, I could have done a full work-out.

But Mom takes priority!

Especially when you're hearing about your little brother and his new fiance! It sounds like nailing down a wedding date is going to be hard! She can't go to Texas with him after he finishes in California . . . and their original plans of getting married in December sound shot. When he goes back he'll be starting his second semester of language training and working 16 hour days . . . not a good way to start a marriage. It's also CRUCIAL that he pass the second semester. I don't want him turning into an IUD Finder . . . er . . . truck driver.

(Ergh! Can't find a picture of my brother that blogger will load up! BAD BLOGGER!! BAD!!)

How did I get on Tuesday again? I was talking about yesterday! 

So at work I pretty much stayed quiet cause I wasn't feeling like my perky self . . . still don't, but I'm getting there. By the end of the day I pretty much felt like crap and just wanted to go home and cry myself to sleep. Of course that wasn't going to happen. We had poker at the house!

And my darling Italian told me he had been looking into cleaners to come clean our apartment for us . . .


Okay, I suck at house cleaning. No kidding! But I'm getting better at it, and before my Italian had his surgery, he did a good portion of it. Dishes, laundry . . . that sort of thing. Since his surgery, its fallen to me to do. Well . . . working full time doesn't make it easy! It's been a stresser recently.

But having people come into clean for us? Nu-uh!

That was really really upsetting. I wanted to cry right then and there . . . I didn't. But I wanted to.

*sigh* Sometimes I don't think that he gets that I'M FRIGGIN' EXHAUSTED when I come home from work. I don't like living in a messy house . . . But I'm worn out at the end of the day. And thinking about cleaning it is overwhelming! I NEED HIS FUCKING HELP! Not some stranger! 

We've decided to set up a cleaning schedule and we'll figure out how to get it cleaned up.

So fucking upsetting. He couldn't have picked a worse day. I already felt like shit and then he was essentially calling me a bad wife! (No, he wasn't, but that's what I heard.) 

My plan was to go to bed and sleep while he was playing poker (did I mention I was exhausted!). That didn't happen. Instead I moved my grandmother's vanity out of our closet, got it mostly set up and started working on cleaning my side of the room! I found the floor! It didn't leave! It's still there! YAY!! 

It looks better over there . . . still a mess, but I threw a TON of paper away and I've got a stack of books on the shelf on my nightstand that I want to read. OH! And I cleaned up my nightstand. It's now a techie haven! LOL! My netbook finally has a home, my phone charger is next to it as is the mouse and all my meds are secured (except my synthroid which lives on my nightstand) in the drawer undearneath.

I like the way it looks. I'll be happy once it's all cleaned up and organized. It's going to take time, but it'll get there!

I'm unearthing me! I think getting our bedroom to a peaceful, serene, relaxed, decluttered place will be good for both of us.

From there I can launch into the rest of the house. Though the next project will be our closet. There's lots of crap in there that needs to go.


I think happy me is back . . .

Even if I am still worn out and tired. But that will get fixed . . . soon I hope!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Crabby Post

Yes, I'm a little crabby today. And my poor Italian suffered the brunt of it before I left for work this morning. (I swear he has the patience of all of the saints and maybe even God himself some days! Seriously!!)

I snapped at him because he checked the mail last night and when he went through it didn't tell me there was mail from the school I just quit containing my exit interview information. And he told me he hadn't planned on telling me! (Grrrrrr . . . ) I probably went a little overboard on the snapping, but I was TIRED! (And crabby!)

I kissed him goodbye, told him I'd be home after WW and Curves and left.

Karma . . . She's a BITCH! Let me tell you. I developed the worst headache on the way to work. And it's still here. It's making my frigging cheekbones hurt! Seriously? What the heck?!! 

I finished my green monster that I'd made myself for breakfast yesterday and not finished . . . it's still here. I even made myself a mocha thinking that I needed sugar. (I use 2 packets of hot chocolate mix and then fill the mug with coffee.) Nope . . . still there. And now I have mocha splatters on the cuff of my shirt! :-( BOO!


Why do I always feel like crap on the days I'm supposed to go work out?

Could the headache be a hangover from water overload? Can one drink too much water? I drank 144 oz yesterday! And today, I forgot my bottles. Ergh . . . 

Alright. Back to being a good lil worker bee! (BBM is here today . . . must appear busy!!)

Monday, April 26, 2010

O . . . M . . . G


They freaking lost! WTF!

The Caps lost!

NOT COOL!! *sigh*

Stupid Capitals!

Saying Goodbye & More Thytalk


No, not to this blog. I may be disappearing for a couple days at a time recently . . . but this blog ain't goin' no where!


No, I'm saying goodbye to Weight Watchers. We can really use the money to go elsewhere and as of right now, it's not doing a lot for me.

Well . . . to be honest? I've not really been following the plan. I've not been counting my points or tracking what I eat. I know I probably should be. But I'm not. Honestly though? I feel better when I'm eating fruits and veggies when I'm hungry and eating until I'm comfortable.

I'm actually learning what hungry is! It's kind of exciting!

I'm also learning that my body no longer likes processed sugar. Eeewwww . . . Not fun. My stomach knows it. But somehow getting the message implanted in my brain and taste buds is a TOTALLY different story! (They still think its a good idea.)

In honor of saying goodbye to WW, my Italian and I went to Target yesterday and got a new scale. :-) YAY!! It shows weight, body fat %, and body water %. It also keeps a memory of all of that. Totally cool.

I've still got a couple more weeks of WW before it runs out, so I'll continue weighing in there on Tuesdays and once its over, I'll weigh in at home on Tuesday mornings.

(I was up 2 lbs when I jumped on the scale last night though! But we'd just come home from a HUGE dinner at a Mexican restaurant. So we'll see what tomorrow brings!)

I've also decided to be a wuss and just move on from my doctor. I've not returned his call yet. But I got a glowing recommendation for a endo that I'm going to try out. I'm just going to gather my latest test results and move on.

Speaking of my thyroid. I wrote a letter to it! (Yes, yes I did.) It's been posted! Dear Thyroid posted my letter today! WOW! I've been amazed at the comments my little written temper tantrum provoked. I didn't realize a low libido was such a common thing! Or how rare it was to have a partner who was SO supportive.

I mean, my Italian doesn't fully understand why I'm tired half the time or why I'm rarely in the mood (sorry probably TMI). But he loves me and is patient with me.

But Dear Thyroid is a FABULOUS website! Loaded with tons of information and an incredible group of people! I've learned more in the past couple weeks from reading the website and comments of other people than I have in the past 2 years of having this stupid disease.

Which brings me to a question that was brought up in the comments. WHY DON'T WE HAVE A RIBBON OR FUNDING FOR A CURE!

I'm walking/running a 5k in a couple weeks for breast cancer. What about thyroid disease? Or thyroid cancer specifically? Seriously?

I don't know where to start to get that ball rolling, but I want it to start! I'll gladly whore myself out raise money for that . . .


Any ideas?

Friday, April 23, 2010

Capitals FAIL!

Okay, I'm no longer on speaking terms with the Washington Capitals right now. They LOST! 2 - 1! WHAT THE HECK!

ON HOME-FRIGGIN'-ICE! How the heck do you lose on home ice?

So totally mad at them right now. Game 6 is on Monday in Montreal.


That. Is. All.

Couch to 5k - Week 1/Day 1 - Fail

Getting together with Jillian, Jr. didn't work out tonight and I didn't get myself together until it was too late to make it to Curves.

Instead I downloaded the Pandora app onto my phone and went up to the gym to start the Couch to 5k . . . uh . . . gain. Yea, I've started it several times . . . never progressed past week 1 though.

I think I was going WAY. TOO. FAST.

I made it about halfway through and my body called it quits. Ergh!

So now I'm over at my brother-in-law's watching the Caps . . . lose . . . their losing right now. But it's still early in the 3rd period.


Weight loss, food & thyroids . . . Doncha love it?

I'm back!

Sorry for disappearing for a couple days. The whole doctor/thyroid tirade left me exhausted! And yesterday I tried to be a good worker bee and not slack off (like I have been doing all week) at work. I did get everything done . . . it took me until 6pm . . . but I got everything done!

Let's rewind and review . . . shall we?

Oh wait . . . I did post Wednesday. HA! Okay . . .

Well I went to WW on Wednesday (OH! Have I got news about that . . . it'll have to come later though.) because . . . I forget . . . OH! I got out of work late on Tuesday; far too late to make the meeting at WW. Anyway . . .

I got to the meeting Wednesday and weighed in. Sure I was going to have a gain.


What the heck?! SWEET! Being sick all Friday night must have helped! (Not that I EVER want to do THAT again. UGH) I haven't lost 3 pounds since I first started WW. WHEE! I'm pretty psyched about that . . . even now.

I went home and made an avocado-strawberry salad. Alas, no pictures (I was starving!) and I can't remember where I found the recipe. I tried googling it and checked Kitchen Parade, where I get most of my yummy vegetable based recipes from. Nope . . . not there. Though I did find some yummy quinoa recipes I'm going to try either this weekend or next week.

OOOH!! I found it!! Avocado-Strawberry Salad with Orange Vinaigrette

The Bitten Word. DUH! I should have checked in my e-mail like the little voice in the back of my brain was telling me to. But did I listen? HA! Now why would I do something intelligent like that? 

Even my hubby had a healthy dinner on Wednesday night. He had a can of soup, 2 pieces of bread, glass of milk and . . . wait for it . . . a salad!! I was so proud of him! I almost wanted to take a picture of his tray (he ate dinner while watching the Caps beat Montreal. GO CAPITALS!!) because that's something that doesn't happen all that often . . . last night . . . crap . . . oh! He had Hamburger Helper. (ICK!!) No, no salad then. :-(  And I ate crap for dinner last night. Not literal crap.Eeeewwww!!

Tonight dinner is going to be iffy because we're going to his Brother's house to watch the game and have dinner. (GO CAPS!! DESTROY MONTREAL!!!) 

On the cleaning end of things, my Italian can help a little more around the house. Not a whole lot, but some. He can rinse off the dishes, now that he can put weight on his left leg again. He also helps fold & put away laundry. It's amazing what just a little help does. (And staying on top of things too.)

In other new . . . I think I might have found an endocrinologist. I haven't called to see if they accept my insurance or if he's taking new patients, but he came highly recommended but with a warning. 
She did say that he is a bit eccentric and does have a very big personality, so be prepared that he is a bit outside the box.
YES!! I love him already! I like big and outside the box personalities!! Another plus in his favor is that he is on my side of the Riv-ah. At least from home. I work on the wrong side of the rivah. But that's because I live just outside the city and work downtown.

I still haven't called my doctor back. I just can't bring myself to do it! I don't know why. I guess it's like that final break-up call. I was always really bad at that.

I'll call him Monday. Since I now know what/how the discussion is going to go. I'm going to discuss my labs with him and then ask for his recommendation for a endo (even though I found one I think I might like, doesn't hurt to have back-ups).

Speaking of thyroids and the insanity I went through . . .

Seriously! Between comments here, in my e-mail, on facebook & twitter I got a lot of support and advice. (Frantic phone calls to Mom helped too!) Seriously, having this blog to vent to helped immensley. (And I'm sure you got an earful if you follow me on twitter!)

I have found so many totally awesome websites geared toward people with thyroid disease through this. And been able to experience the depth of support that some of these provide. DearThyroid is one of the best sites I've found. Totally fabulous! Mary Shomon and Stop The Thyroid Madness are two others that pop in my head readily as they're sights I go to quite often. 

Bloggers I've found recently in the blogosphere/thyroid world are Hypo Girl (I have a blogger-crush on her!) and a newer blogger Molly from My Struggle with Hypothyroidism. Both of these women are A-MAZ-ING! Molly is losing weight with the Thyroid Diet that Mary Shomon has spelled out in one of her books and she (Molly, not Mary) is doing REALLY well!  

Go check them out! I'll still be here, but I think I'm going to finish up some work before the weekend starts!

LOVE YA'LL!! (No really, I do! Even you Drazil!)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Temper Tantrums & Doctors' Calls

Do you ever have a temper tantrum and get really furious and worked up about it, then when you calm down you can't quite figure out why you were so angry? Well . . . No. I do know why I was angry. It's frustrating to have the same conversation with your doctor EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. you have your blood drawn and get the results back.

No, the lab range is wrong. I am not normal. I'm still high. 

No, my cholesterol and my thyroid are linked. I don't have a history of high cholesterol and I've been eating well, so why are you putting me on medication again? 

Are you not seeing the pattern? My thyroid is high, my cholesterol is high. My thyroid is normal, my cholesterol is normal. 

Seriously? It's just a tad frustrating!

Of course now that I've calmed down, cleared my head and have bitched to the entire world about this . . . I'm fine. And my doctor . . . Dr. C himself! called me this morning! ARGH!! I saw that his office was calling, but I let it go to voicemail. (I assumed it was his nurse.)

No, I've not called him back yet. I need to gather up and regroup what exactly was making me so absolutely furious yesterday. Have my list of questions and suggestions ready and be in a confident and calm place.

(Maybe I should go back and read yesterday morning's post again . . . Not that I've forgotten what I wrote, but it was written in the throes of extreme emotion.)

Okay, so I skimmed it. I'll call him back at lunch . . . after lunch and discuss my results with him as well as set up a time to have my thyroid . . . umm . . . ultrasounded (I know, that's not a word . . . I like making up words! Especially when I can't think of the word I want; which is happening more often these days.). Have an ultrasound done on my thyroid so I know exactly what I'm dealing with thyroid-wise so I know from a diet standpoint what I can do.

I may go ahead and ask him to suggest an endo. (Specifically one who deals in e-mails as well!) My thyroid isn't so bad that Dr. C can't handle it, but I need someone who can see the whole picture and isn't looking at each issue separately.

That's where my frustration is really coming in.

I find it kind of ironic because I am NOT a big picture person. I get bogged down in details. I need someone (like my Italian) to pull me back and help me see the big picture. I need a Dr. who can do both. Be a big picture person and see how everything is connected AS WELL AS being able to address the specifics and help me see how things connect.

I need a doctor I'm not fighting with all the time either . . . or arguing with rather. Maybe Dr. C just isn't the right fit. But I really do like him. As much as I've bashed him, I really do like him. He's nice, he's personable. He knows my husband and has been my husband's doctor FOR-EV-ER. He's also my in-laws doctor.

But maybe he's just not the right fit for me.

I don't know.

I think I'll have a better picture after I talk to him.

Have you ever had to break up with your doctor? How do you do it?

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Post-Lunch Update

I know I'm inundating you with posts today, but it's been a bit rough and this is how I deal. I write. I've always done it this way . . . but now you get to read it! YIPEE!!

Yes, I'm feeling better. I don't have tears threatening to spill out (or spilling out) of my eyes and I'm calm. Not a soothing calm. More of an emotionally drained calm. But one where I can do the research I need to do in order to get the information I need.

My poor coworkers. I wasn't even in the mood to try to be happy or friendly. :-(  I just kept my mouth shut and moved on as fast as I could.

I'm glad I'm working out tonight. I need to get this excess out. Though last time I needed to do that my shin splints flared up.

Don't you dare flare up again! I need this today!

Thyroid levels and Toopid labs!

I told you all that I went in the end of last month to get my blood work done to check my thyroid levels right? I got a call last week saying that my cholesterol was elevated and my TSH levels were normal. I called to get a copy of my results faxed to me yesterday and they were waiting in the fax machine when I got in to work this morning. (Thankfully part of my job is to check the fax. No one else really does! PHEW!)

According to the labs, sure, my levels are normal. (They're lab range is .4 - 4.0. Better than the old lab, but still not good.) But according to the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists the correct range should be 0.3 - 3.0. With a TSH of 3.06, I'm outside of that range. Just a smidge, but still outside. I'd like to be at . . . oh I don't know . . . a 1 maybe? I WANT TO BE NORMAL DAMN IT!!

With my thyroid levels elevated, my cholesterol is also elevated. But Dr. C won't recognize that. Of course not! If he did that, he wouldn't be able to shove another pill down my throat! It's not like I'm not a friggin' walking pharmacy as it is! When my TSH levels aren't elevated, my cholesterol is good. When my TSH levels are elevated  . . . my cholesterol IS elevated.

Is it just me or does anyone else see a pattern here? Of course my doctor also said he thinks Lipitor should be in the water. (I think it already is isn't it? It's one of those things that they can't filter out right??)

We go through this EVERY SINGLE TIME I get my blood work done. I tell him his labs ranges are off, and he tells me that's the ranges they go with.

Does anyone else have trouble getting in touch with their doctor to discuss results?

I don't want to make an appointment to discuss my results. I want to sit down, shoot him an e-mail and discuss them that way. If I was able to do that, I'd have records as well as time to digest what he is saying! I can't do that when we're in an examining room. Seriously!

I do understand not wanting to give out your e-mail address to patients as well. You don't want to be inundated with e-mails from crazy patients (and right now I might qualify as one of those crazies. I'm a little pissed!). But having to play phone tag with his nurse (and she's wonderful, I really like her) is simply not acceptable!

Another thing . . . my glucose is high? WTF! What does that mean? Why wasn't that mentioned?

I don't like not getting the full picture and I don't feel like I'm getting the full picture.

At the same time, I'm only beginning to learn about hypothyroidism. I don't know a lot about it and it's a big topic with a lot of information!

Okay, I think I'm done my rant. I've given myself a headache, so I'm going to crawl under my desk and cry myself to sleep. *sigh* I hate this!

Edit: I'm really frustrated with all of this because I was feeling good. I thought my thyroid was producing normally. I was feeling "normal" when I got my blood work done. Has my view of normal gotten so skewed that I don't know what true normal is anymore?

So frustrated . . . so angry!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Lost Focus

I realized yesterday, while I was sitting outside under the pergola with my husband, that I'd lost focus to why I  really started my weight loss journey.

I now remember.

One of the reasons was that I was tired of being "fat", but I didn't really think of myself as fat at that point. I also didn't know how much I weighed. I knew I was overweight, I didn't know I'd hit the obese category. Apparently I had, and I'm still in it. It would be more correct to say that I was tired of being overweight.

That wasn't the true reason . . . Well it was one of reasons, but not the driving one.

My driving reason . . . I didn't want to be overweight when I got pregnant. I wanted to be "skinny" when I got pregnant. No . . . I'm not pregnant. But my 30th birthday is closing in on me in a matter of months and its gotten me thinking.

I'd like to start moving in that direction, but I don't want to be obese, I don't want to be overweight. I want to be fit, I want to be a correct weight and I want to be healthy when I do get pregnant.

That's why I joined Weight Watchers initially. But I got wrapped up in the points, in watching the number go down then begin to yo-yo and felt my frustration build.

I lost sight of what my ultimate goal was. To be fit and healthy so that when we do start having kids . . . my body will be ready for it.

That is one of the major reasons I'm on this journey. To prepare my body to have little Em's and little Italians. I am already going to be an older mom, I don't want to be a fat older mom who can't keep up with her kids.

Now that I remember, I'm planning on posting it everywhere around the house and on my WW and Curves stuff. A reminder as to why I am on this journey in the first place.

It is about me, but it's also about more than me. It's about my future!

Why did you begin? Have you lost focus or the reason why you started in the first place?

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Shootin' Kitties!

(okay, so I maaaayyybe might have sorta kinda taken my title from this post from Yum Yucky.)

Since I slept yesterday away, I decided to take a break from unearthing my side of the room and come outside for a bit. Actually . . . my monsters (cats) gave me the idea.

I had left the screen door to our apartment open while I put  a box of Christmas stuff I'd found next to my bed away and both cats came out. Rufus started rolling around on the cement and immediately because a shade of yellow. So of course I had to go get my camera!

We had a mini photo shoot! My monsters in action!

Rufus recalling his younger hunter days in the grass. (He had just chased a bird out of the bushes!)
Logan checking out his surroundings.
Getting his greens in for the day.
My black cat's gone yella!
What kind of kitty litter is this?
Nice cool concrete! And Mommy can't get me here!!

They behaved pretty well for cats that are rarely outdoors anymore! They didn't try to run off, like I was afraid they were going to. But they wouldn't let the the neighbor kids, much less me, touch them. When my Italian and I decided to go for a walk I told them to go inside and inside they trotted. On my first command! They never do that! I was so proud of them!

The hubby and I had a short walk to the pond behind our building. We sat and talked about a lot of different things. 

Back home and I've got sweet'n' tater fries (finally!) in the oven! I'm so TOTALLY psyched. We're going to have some spanakopita triangles as well for dinner. :-) YAY!! A dinner we can BOTH eat!! 

It's been a fantabulous day! Speech choir ROCKED! We even had an encore performance demanded by one of the elders (massively HIGH compliment there!!)!!! We had to do it one man (our loudest) down, but we still did a pretty good job! :-) 

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Worshiping the Porcelain Goddess

I spent last night worshiping at the throne of the porcelain goddess. And I didn't even go out drinking or anything! It sucked. I mean on the one hand, it's a great ab work-out. On the other, I'd rather not have an ab work-out like that for a long time.

That's why I was en abstensia last night. It actually started when I got in my car. A line across my upper stomach started to hurt. I thought it odd, but I just drove home and laid down after greeting my husband. I felt like poop all evening, but managed to get my Italian into the shower so he could scrub up. It took us easily an hour to get him out of the shower because after any effort I put forth, I would have to go lay down for a minute.

Finally got him in bed and I spent the night running from our bed to the bathroom. If I only knew what triggered it.

Okay, I did eat a huge, very bad for you breakfast. And lunch was a pasta and veggie combo from a lunch cart with cheese and french bread. It could be any of those. The final straw for my body though seemed to be the nuked tater and ketchup I had for dinner.

Ugh . . . I don't think I'll ever eat that again!

I have decided to just stay in bed all day and sleep. Provided my monsters quit walking all over me.

I think I'm starving now though. Frankly, I'm afraid to eat, but my stomach is hurting, I think from hunger. I guess I'll get up and see if we have any crackers in the house. I don't think we do. Can I send my Italian to go get some? Do you think he will?

Okay, off to maybe find food and go back to sleep.

I hope you guys have a fabulous weekend. I'll be back to regularly scheduled programming shortly . . . hopefully.

Note: No crackers. Damn!! Eating a cup of Cheerios instead. No milk. Just dry. Sorta ick . . . but its food that may help settle my stomach . . . I hope.

Friday, April 16, 2010

My Poor Batookis!

I know, I said I would talk about my Italian's cast getting removed last night . . . and I never showed up. Honestly? Even though I left work early, (thank you Tea Party Rally!!) I seemed to not stop moving yesterday evening.

I got home about 5, made Lasagnia Hamburger Helper for dinner for my Italian and we discussed the care he would need with his boot on.

I ate a mini bagel with peanut butter, pulled out my bike and went over to Michelle's house to go for a bike ride. We ended up going to West Creek Parkway to ride. It's a 6 mile loop with a few hills and one evil hill. I've never ridden it so I had no idea what I was getting into . . . or that I was THAT out of shape!

I love Michelle, but let me tell you, that woman is EVIL! Yet I keep getting together with her to exercise. *sigh* I do this because I know she'll kick my ass then hand it back to me. And that's what I need.

She's actually dropping weight really fast. She looks fabulous! (Yes, I'm slightly jealous, but I shouldn't be. She's working her ass off for it.) 

I've really gotta learn to be less honest with her!  I made it about halfway up the nightmare hill when I just couldn't pedal anymore (My muscle endurance sucks too) so I got off my bike and walked until I was just before the top and jumped back on. I had NO earthly idea where she was. Until I heard what sounded like a car coming up behind me. Nope . . . that was just Michelle! She scared the livin' poop out of me! (Thankfully there was no livin' poop in me!)

She asked if I'd made it all the way up and of course I confessed that I walked a bit, but I made it up the hill!! We passed our starting point and I gazed longingly at the parking lot as we passed. (I wanna be done now!!) We went back to the top of the loop and she decided to educate me in intervals. So we did a few intervals and as we were closing in on our starting position I told her "Ya know, you're a great friend but sometimes I really hate you!"

Yea. That was NOT SMART! NOT SMART! THAT. WAS. NOT SMART! (See What About Bob?, the greatest movie ever made!) She grinned and told me for that comment we were going to do more intervals. GRRR!!! So, we did more intervals and I was able to keep up for a minute but somehow my legs don't work quite as fast as hers do . . . yet. She circled back around and told me that the next left turnoff was our stop, then zoomed ahead.

We finally got back to the parking lot, put our bikes away (I took my Italian's van, so I just wheeled it up the ramp. It was beautiful!) and stretched. My shins didn't hurt, my hips weren't sore, and my back was only mumbling under its breath. (Yes, my body talks. All the time!) My batookis (and lady bits, as MrsFatAss would call them. I now fully understand her pain (well . . . sorta) from her Spinning class. OUCH!) were SCREAMING! (I think my gel seat bruised them! My poor batookis is still sore this morning!)

By that point it was 9:30 and I was STARVING! Though I was glad I hadn't eaten any more than I did. . . I'm pretty sure I would have throw it up.(Sorry, I know that's gross, but . . . )

Michelle went home to feed her hubby and I went home to my gorgeous amazing Italian hubby.

Ya know something? . . . with the boot getting him ready for the day and ready for bed takes a whole lot longer! So I got home, complained about my batookis and we crashed. Well I crashed. HARD.

Of course Logan-monster decided he wanted to be pet at 5am this morning. (Do any of you who have cats who decide they want to be pet at ungodly hours of the morning?) He tells me this by standing on my ribs if I'm on my side or on my boobs if I'm on my back (both of which hurt! I think he puts all of his 11 pounds on his front paws and finds the pressure point! The little brat!)

I finally got him off and all too soon the TV went off and our morning routine started.

"Baby, it's 6:00."

"Baby, it's 6:05"

"Baby, it's 6:15"

I think I got up at 6:20 this morning! But I managed to get both of us dressed by 7, then my Italian practiced his walking with his new walker contraption. (I promise tonight I'll detail it all with pictures!)

Got his breakfast and I was out the door before 7:30! YES!!

My poor batookis is still furious with me though. It's trying to pull my back and hips in on it, but my hips are happy and my back is only grumbling now.

Despite nearly killing myself last night . . . I feel good today! (A bit steam rolled this morning because I forgot to take my meds . . . but good!!)

Do your animals wake you up at ungodly hours to pay attention to them?

How are you feeling today?

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Facing Up

You know something? I am so thankful for the blogosphere peeps. Yes, you! I could hug you . . . I really could. (I guess to do that I'd hug the monitor . . . or the tower? Either way I think the people at work would think me odd. Oh wait! They already do!)

Thank you guys so much for your words of confidence and support (and butt kicks. My butt is still sore from them. But it's still pretty cute! :-) Hee!) yesterday and last night. I am still a little frustrated but thinking over my diet and lack of consistent exercise over the past week, my massive fail at running makes sense (I can not spell that word these days . . . frankly my spelling has gone down the crapper!).

But I was catching up on my google reader just a bit ago. Kim . . . and Her Coffee is back! YAY!! In her I'm BACK (my title, not hers) blog post she wrote this:

Where to start in the fight over the enemy's lies?  Well, to quote Beth Moore on the LPM blog, "Ladies, the devil knows that if we’re too scared to even face our insecurity, we’ll never get freed up from it."   So, she posted, "Look up Scriptures that have to do with strength and power and victory and write some out in a comment to this post."  There are over 600 of them for you to ponder.  Here is the link.
(highlighting mine)

The highlighted section really jumped out at me. Especially in dealing with my weight loss, body image, and eating habits. Why can't I get below 200? Or 207 for that matter. Am I hiding behind my weight?

It's possible. The problem is that my weight is pretty well hidden. It's all around my stomach. I've shed most of the weight in my face and collar bones (though they could lose a little more.), my boobs won't shrink though! (I want them to go away some! Dang it!)

I learned pretty quickly how to hide my tummy fat. Even with clothes that are more snug. For me, I just make sure it's loose enough and I'm wearing pants that are just a hair too big so that I don't have a muffin top. With pants that fit, you see, I have a muffin top. *sigh* I think it's probably from when I was in denial about being overweight.  

I can still fit (suck it all in) into these size 12 jeans! See! They button! OH That? Eh . . . I'll just put a huge sweatshirt over it. Viola! It works! 

Not that I don't do that now . . . sometimes . . .

It amazing how if you ignore your insecurities long enough, you can fool yourself into believing you've defeated them! Those and the coping mechanisms for those insecurities.

Or is it just me?

I thought I'd gotten over my emotional eating. I thought it was under control. I would read blogs about people discussing emotional eating and compulsive eating and be thankful I had it under control and wasn't a compulsive eater.

HA! Bullsh*t!

I just wasn't being honest with myself. Look at this week! Monday! Hubby goes to small group and I stay home to clean the house in preparation for his cast coming off. (More about that tonight!) What do I spend an hour doing? Eating several individual sized bags of chips that I'd bought for his lunch. It's not that I wanted to eat them, but I didn't NOT want to eat them either. I just couldn't stop myself!

In fact they still call to me when I open the pantry. *oooohhhh . . . bad chips! BAD! SHUT YOUR MOUTHS!* (Or maybe I should shut mine! Not let them in!)

I'm so good at ignoring problems or avoiding them. But this weight loss journey is more than just shedding weight. (I wish it were that easy.) But with every pound I lose (or gain back) another area of my life is revealed in a different light and it must be dealt with. This past week and half? Eating . . . my relationship with food.

My body image was this past weekend (Yes, I'm still dealing with that. With clothes on . . . I look fabulous . . . w/o EEEK!! I'm fat! Clothes hide a multitude of sins! . . . Well I look fabulous until I'm around skinny, truly fabulous people . . . but that's an ancient insecurity.) But body image is one that I've had for a long time. Back in high school I always thought I was not fat, but not skinny either and definitely not cute or gorgeous. When I was helping Mom prep for the bridal shower she threw for me, we came across a picture of me accepting my high school diploma. OH! WOW! Not only was I skinny! I was gorgeous! Why can't we recognize that in ourselves?

I do look good . . . but I'm not where I want to be.

I feel like I'm talking in circles now . . . Am I making any sense?

Okay . . . before I pull up a couch and plop down on it I'm going to leave it here.

What insecurities has your weight loss/getting fit journey taken you through? How do you deal with them?

You guys are totally the Bees Knees!! 

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Running . . . FAIL!

I really want to be able to run . . . I really do. Somehow I can't convince my body of that though!

I've just come back from trying to run a 5k. (Keelie from Real Fat challenged me to run a 5k. I'm a sucker for a challenge . . . I just hate when I lose!)Yea . . . that didn't work so well. I barely got 1/2 mile and that wasn't totally running either. :-( I ran for a minute then felt my legs cramping up, so I stretched them out (and my back and hips since they're still bothering me) and restarted. This time my legs felt great, but for the life of me I could not breath! 10 minutes into it at just under a half a mile I hit the cool down button (because yes, I was running on the treadmill) and slowed down until I was just so mad I had to get out of there. I walked home and here I am.


FUCK! (Sorry, I'm a little pissed still!)

So in addition to eating crap, I've not really been exercising the past couple weeks. Not hard like I should be. And I've not worked out in at least a week. Maybe I expected too much?

I'm feeling slightly defeated and really really frustrated. I did eat plenty of crap today . . . that probably has something to do with it to.

*sigh* Well I'm going to steam an artichoke and watch Valkerie. We need to get that back to netflix.

Tomorrow's another day. I'm headed to the pool to swim laps until I want to sink to the bottom. I need to desperately improve my endurance. It sucks poopy donkey balls!

(Sorry I've been so angry and negative recently . . . I'll get over it. I may even be back to my happy-go-lucky self tomorrow! **GRIN**)

Thank you for all of your encouragement and good thoughts!! 

OH! And check out Keelie's blog . . . especially her Create a Breakthroughs post! She's awesome!! 

Flying Off the Wagon

Some people say they've fallen off their wagon diet. Me? I took a flying leap off of mine! Cutting out sugar and soy? Yea, not so much. If you were to look in my trashcan here at work you'd find 2 or 3 Mrs. Fields cookie wrappers and a empty bag of Starburst Jellybeans.

Food binge anyone?

I wish I could say that it's only been today's binge. But that'd be a lie. I've been on this binge probably for about a week and half now. :(  I can pinpoint the start of it too. *sigh*

On my way home from work I decided to fall back into an old splurge.
Yes, that's what it looks like. A medium chocolate milkshake and large fries. My ultimate weakness and downfall! From there on it was sorta downhill. 
I did pretty good at my in-laws the next day. I stuck to fruits and vegetables. Though I did have a few fries while everyone was sitting outside. My Italian was so proud of me! :-) When we got home he told me so and asked me if I wanted a couple hershey kisses. I told him no, but they began to haunt me and I gave in. He went to his hidden stash and pulled out two. I ate the first one and my chocolate craving was satisfied. I should have been a good wife and given him the other one. 
But no, I'm a fat, selfish wife. I looked at it for a minute and it just looked so lonely sitting there. So I ate it!

That Sunday was Easter and I knew I'd come face to face with bowls of candy at my parents house. (Mom always sets out little bowls of candy for whatever the season is when the family (including extended family) gets together.) I said I wasn't going to eat any, but no more than 10 minutes into my visit I found myself stuffing spiced jellybeans in my mouth. *sigh*

All that to say I did pretty okay with dinner. Like Amber, my WW leader said to do, I made little islands on my plate and only ate 1 plate of food. I felt satisfied. I thoroughly a small slice of Mom's double decker strawberry shortcake. I was only able to eat half of it though. It was SO good! 

After everyone left, my little brother's (who is at language school in California with the army) girlfriend, my parents and I sat around in the living room talking. I had a glass of coke while we were talking. Just one! I didn't refill it . . . yay for me!

Monday was back at my inlaws where I gave in to the dessert. It was our youngest neice's birthday after all. It'd be a SIN not to have some cake and ice cream. Tuesday, I think I mentioned to you that I just got too hungry and ate way too much. 

Wednesday through the rest of the week my bad habits started leaking into my work days. Sodas . . . by Friday I'd gone to CVS and picked up some junk food and had that for lunch.

Over the weekend I did pretty okay with food. But Monday found me back at CVS in full junk food mode. A 4-pack of pudding cups, bag of tootsie rolls, and bag of starburst jelly beans. Maybe some ho-hos too?
But I was drinking 2 32 oz bottles of water! (Of course I was! I was dying of thirst!)

Yesterday I found a box of Cheez-its from my Friday CVS trip. Yea, I ate the rest of that box (which was mostly full). That's also where I discovered the Mrs. Field's cookies! (Do you have ANY idea how GOOD those are warm? O. M. G.)

No, I didn't exercise yesterday. I did stretch though. And no, I didn't weigh in. I don't need a scale to tell me I've gained. I can feel it. Ugh . . . 
Does anyone want several Mrs. Field's cookies? They're individually wrapped. I'll send them to you! I have to get them out of here! (And I can't bring myself to throw perfectly good food away!)

So that is my confession. And I'm serious about the cookies. I'll mail them to you! PUH-LEASE!!! 
I did make a quinoa and black bean bowl last night. I added a little low fat mozzarella cheese and 1/4 of a yellow pepper and too much hot sauce. So I'm adding that to my left over stir-fry and that's lunch for today. 

Oh, and about the cookies. Seriously. Take them. I. Don't. Want. Them.
 (Chocolate chip Mrs. Field's cookies) They're good, I just don't have self-control at the moment!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Adventures in DC

Okay, I know I said I'd post this last night, but I got in a cleaning groove. Then the hubby came home and we zonked out pretty quickly.
My Italian and I got out of town this weekend. We headed up to DC. One of the benefits of living in Richmond, heading to DC for an overnight trip is totally cool. It's far enough away that it's out of town but close enough that  an overnight trip isn't a hassle.
We headed up there and landed at Toscana Grill just outside of DC to meet up with several MD/DC health & wellness/food bloggers. It was so much fun! Everyone was really nice. It was really kinda cool to meet everyone.
My Italian came with me, which was wonderful. I have the tendency to get REALLY shy when meeting groups of new people. This meet up was no exception. Everyone was gorgeous! (and skinny!! I guess I should say VERY fit! I felt HUGE!) Everybody was really really nice though. (Next time, I'm just going to have to get over myself and be more social!)
At the end we all grouped up and took a picture. A few people had left before we took the picture.
I'm really bad with names, but if you go to Anne's, she did a full recap with everyone's names. (I'm sorry! I really am!)
(See what I mean? They're all skinny (okay . . . fit!) and dressed stylishly. Me? (I'm in the back in the black shirt . . . the way back) I was dressed for comfort and travel. *sigh*)
The food at Toscana's Grill was SO good!! I had curry rice (not so much curry though, I was dissapointed in that!)

So GOOD! Even better a couple days later too! (Cause I had the leftovers for dinner last night.)
My Italian had french toast, with bananas and sausage. (We discussed what the sausage was made of because it was off the vegan menu. He said it tasted close to sausage, but didn't taste like tofu. I still think it was tofu)

The food was really really good. (Did I already say that?)
After lunch we drove up and down Richmond Highway looking for our hotel. (My darling Italian write the wrong address down. It was 6100! Not 8100!) We finally found our hotel got checked in and relaxed for a bit until we had to get ready to meet friends of mine who live up there. 
This is 2 of the most awesomest people in the world! (And not just because I lived with them for 6 months or that they gave me a ride to my first Revolutionary War re-enactment or that she helped me get the job I'm currently in. (Or that she might be reading this! ha ha ha) They're just in the top 10 of the most awesomest people! )
No. That picture wasn't taken this weekend. I pulled that off of her facebook page (with permission of course!). I didn't bring my camera to dinner and didn't think to take a picture when we got back to the hotel. (I know . . . bad blogger . . . *sigh* I'm learning!)
We went to Delia's Mediterranian Grill for dinner. OH. MY. GOODNESS. Next time I go up that way I HAVE to stop there again! The food was SO SO good! 
We split a bottle of Pinot Grigio and had their Goat Cheese Jalapeno poppers and Calamari to start off with. They also brought out some pita with an olive dip and a tomato dip. It was all incredible! I don't remember what everyone else had (but it all looked good and what I sampled from other people's plates (yes, I did that.) it was incredible), but I had a gyro. I have not had a good gyro since I was in Fredericksburg at this little hole in the wall restaurant that serves the BEST gyros. 
I had to stop myself from cleaning my plate, it was so good! But I managed to control myself and got a box for the rest (which I had for breakfast the next morning!). 
We all hung out in our hotel room for a bit and then we called it a night. 
My Italian and I crashed pretty hard (or at least I did!) once we got to bed.

The next morning we got up and by the time we were dressed the kitchen nazis were chasing people out of the breakfast area (I couldn't even get cream and sugar for my coffee! GRR!). So we ate some fruit I'd packed for the trip and got packed up, then checked out. 
Into DC we went (after driving down to the Springfield Metro station)
Waiting for the train to get moving. (Isn't he gorgeous?)

It's finally moving! Onward! (Aren't we just TOO CUTE?)
We spent the day around the Tidal Basin. 

Poor tree :(
When we got there, my Italian decided it was time for lunch. He was hungry! (Poor guy only had a small bowl of cereal I was able to smuggle out before the kitchen nazis took over!)
Figuring out what to have for lunch is VERY serious business!
My Italian had a barbeque sandwich and fries and I had chicken fingers with fries. (No. No pictures. They weren't picture worthy!)
After lunch we took pictures and found some cherry blossom trees to take pictures with.   

I'm not sure where my Italian was at that moment or why I'm not smiling. Probably just concentrating on getting the picture I guess. Hrmm . . . 

YAY!! Cherry Blossoms in bloom!

 Have I mentioned how much I love this man?
After taking pictures, we decided to head home. But no trip to DC is complete without Metro problems!
They had a fire drill and that locked up all the elevators! So we were stuck at the Smithsonian Metro stop for a little while. 

The picture of gracious patience. 

Yes, this is what I do when I'm stuck in a Metro. Take blurry pictures!

Send HELP! HERE!! I wanna go home! (I'm in full pout mode, but we couldn't get it to come out right!)
After about 20 minutes, the elevators were unlocked and we were able to get down to the platform. Then we were on our way home!
My poor Italian zonked out as soon as I turned out the light. 
I managed to throw out my back putting his legs in bed, so once I took 1/2 a muscle relaxer I was out cold too!
It was a fabulous weekend! Great to get away and get out of town. Now we're back . . . and it's back to the grind. (More about that later!)