Losing It

Weight. I'm talking about losing weight.

No, really. I am. That's been part of my plan with this blog all along. During my recent disappearing acts I've been yo-yoing like a mad woman. I've dipped as low as 202 and gone back up to 212. And bounced around 212. I've started and stopped exercising and started back up again. (And back and forth and back and forth and . . . You get the point.)

I've toyed with the idea of various types of eating. Vegetarian (sans soy), going back to paleo, eating only when I'm hungry, raw, high raw. You name it, I've probably toyed with the idea of it over the past several weeks.

At the same time, people talking about tracking what they're eating have been showing up everywhere. (Ever feel like the Universe is trying to tell you something?) While I haven't out right rejected tracking what I eat, it's always an overwhelming prospect for me. I think because when I did WW it just felt overwhelming. Figuring out what I ate, how much I ate, and how many points it was. (That makes me tired just thinking about it!)

Did I do a lot of tracking when I was in WW?

No.

Have I done ANY since I've left WW?

NO

Have I thought about it?

Sure. But I sorta get the same overwhelmed feeling when ever I think about it.

I've thought about going food bloggie-esque and putting everything I ate on here. But do you really want to see my boring dishes? (Seems like all the food bloggers have some gorgeous & interesting dishes. Mine . . . boring and not very pretty. They didn't live up to the picture on the box. :-( Oh well. I'm in search of new ones to ask for Christmas. And suggestions?)

I have started . . . sorta . . . planning all of my meals. I'm not terribly good at following the plan. Which reminds me. I do need to sit down and plan out my meals for the next week.

I've also decided to jump in on #dropdeadgorgeousbydecember. A movement that Half of Jess is doing. I've watched on twitter and the blogs as #awesomebyaugust and #superbyseptember go by, partially wishing that I was taking part.

But let's face it . . .

I'm lazy. I've got a full plate, but I'm also supremely lazy and a skilled procrastinator. (My Italian could tell you that, but I think he's still fuming about my last procrastination binge . . . He's task oriented, OCD task oriented.)

However, I like a challenge. And as #dropdeadgorgeousbydecember isn't a contest and doesn't focus purely on weight, I'm all about it.

It will not be focused primarily on weight, and weigh-ins are optional.
Why?
Because being gorgeous shouldn’t be defined solely by a number. You are more than just a number.

Go check out her site and the rules . . . I'll wait right here . . .

Jeopardy music playing  

See what I mean? It's perfect! 

When I started this blog, I didn't want it to just be about weight loss, but I wanted it to encompass my whole life. My lack of house-keeping skills included (See, I told you I was lazy . . . mmm . . . that's too honest, let's call me a slacker). 

Sure, I've been focusing on my weight-loss (or lack there of); mostly because . . . well do you really want to see this?

And have me admit to you that maybe it only looks mildly better?I mean I can fit the vacuum cleaner in there now. Don't even ask to look at my side of our bedroom! (Carpet? Color? What??)

Now that you're completely terrified . . . Our kitchen is clean. But not organized (I think we need a bigger kitchen . . . Or a place where the ceilings are not so tall I can't reach, even on a chair! But that's another story).

And our bathrooms aren't so bad. (No, no disclaimers here . . . just if you're coming over, give me a heads up, so I can "spruce" it up.)

All of that to say that #dropdeadgorgeousbydecember could not have come at a better time and is definitely the kick in the butt that I think I need.

Why?

Because while this is a challenge against me, myself and I and there are no "losers", if I do not meet my goals . . . I have defeated myself and lost.

3 months of keeping on top of a certain goal is bound to make it a habit and make life a far better place for my Italian (and make him a happier Italian) and myself.

Here goes everything!

And maybe you'll get more pictures looking like this:

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source

Don't I wish that was my closet!

And less like this:

 

Back to me?

Maybe . . . yesterday was an awful day! (Biggest reason I didn't post.)

I woke up crabby . . . again. At my poor Italian. (The man has the patience of a saint . . . I swear . . . and I can see I'm wearing it thin!)

So, on my way to work I stopped at Ukrop's . . . I mean Martin's. (Farewell dear Ukrops! You will be missed! Martin's can't compare! They can try . . . but they're not a Richmond institution like you were! You rocked! I'll miss your organic sections!) I did some retail therapy.

OH! And YUM! I found POMx Iced Chocolate Coffee! It was totally yum! Had soy in it. BOO!!

I also picked up a jar of Nutella. Otherwise known to me as crack in a jar. O . . . M . . . G! I'm glad it's slightly exspensive . . . Otherwise I think I'd try to LIVE off the stuff! SO yummy! (Really good in oatmeal too!) I think there's a recipe online for home-made nutella. I'm going to have to find it and make it. This stuff is incredible! YUM! But I don't get how it's a breakfast spread. It's far too sweet! Tastes more like a dessert to me!

On my way home yesterday I was thinking about the disparity between what the mirror tells me and what my mind's eye sees. In my head, I'm in shape, fit and totally healthy. The mirror shows a different picture. I've got a ways to go still. But I do have a shape. And it's not round!! I'm more hour glassish . . . if you look on from the front.

I don't think I'll ever be boyish straight. I'd have to be pretty wide to do that. I'm broad shouldered and it seems as though my hips for gotten bigger. Or is that just the excess on them? Eh . . . I like the way they look.

I made it back to Curves on Tuesday! YAY!! Speaking of which, I was up 1.8 pounds when I weighed in at Weight Watchers. But yesterday morning and this morning my scale at home has held me steady at 207.8, so that 1 pound disappeared. YAY!!

I was supposed to get my measurements done, but I really only had time to go once around the circuit before I had to leave for a meeting at church. Of course if I hadn't spent 30 minutes in the car talking to Mom, I could have done a full work-out.

But Mom takes priority!

Especially when you're hearing about your little brother and his new fiance! It sounds like nailing down a wedding date is going to be hard! She can't go to Texas with him after he finishes in California . . . and their original plans of getting married in December sound shot. When he goes back he'll be starting his second semester of language training and working 16 hour days . . . not a good way to start a marriage. It's also CRUCIAL that he pass the second semester. I don't want him turning into an IUD Finder . . . er . . . truck driver.

(Ergh! Can't find a picture of my brother that blogger will load up! BAD BLOGGER!! BAD!!)

How did I get on Tuesday again? I was talking about yesterday! 

So at work I pretty much stayed quiet cause I wasn't feeling like my perky self . . . still don't, but I'm getting there. By the end of the day I pretty much felt like crap and just wanted to go home and cry myself to sleep. Of course that wasn't going to happen. We had poker at the house!

And my darling Italian told me he had been looking into cleaners to come clean our apartment for us . . .

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WHAT! 

Okay, I suck at house cleaning. No kidding! But I'm getting better at it, and before my Italian had his surgery, he did a good portion of it. Dishes, laundry . . . that sort of thing. Since his surgery, its fallen to me to do. Well . . . working full time doesn't make it easy! It's been a stresser recently.

But having people come into clean for us? Nu-uh!

That was really really upsetting. I wanted to cry right then and there . . . I didn't. But I wanted to.

*sigh* Sometimes I don't think that he gets that I'M FRIGGIN' EXHAUSTED when I come home from work. I don't like living in a messy house . . . But I'm worn out at the end of the day. And thinking about cleaning it is overwhelming! I NEED HIS FUCKING HELP! Not some stranger! 

We've decided to set up a cleaning schedule and we'll figure out how to get it cleaned up.

So fucking upsetting. He couldn't have picked a worse day. I already felt like shit and then he was essentially calling me a bad wife! (No, he wasn't, but that's what I heard.) 

My plan was to go to bed and sleep while he was playing poker (did I mention I was exhausted!). That didn't happen. Instead I moved my grandmother's vanity out of our closet, got it mostly set up and started working on cleaning my side of the room! I found the floor! It didn't leave! It's still there! YAY!! 

It looks better over there . . . still a mess, but I threw a TON of paper away and I've got a stack of books on the shelf on my nightstand that I want to read. OH! And I cleaned up my nightstand. It's now a techie haven! LOL! My netbook finally has a home, my phone charger is next to it as is the mouse and all my meds are secured (except my synthroid which lives on my nightstand) in the drawer undearneath.

I like the way it looks. I'll be happy once it's all cleaned up and organized. It's going to take time, but it'll get there!

I'm unearthing me! I think getting our bedroom to a peaceful, serene, relaxed, decluttered place will be good for both of us.

From there I can launch into the rest of the house. Though the next project will be our closet. There's lots of crap in there that needs to go.

:-)

I think happy me is back . . .

Even if I am still worn out and tired. But that will get fixed . . . soon I hope!

Excuses to Get Started

Mmmm . . . lunch . . . yeah, I'm hungry today. Serious case of the munchies.

So I've finally gotten around to doing some actual posting! It's not that I've been avoiding it. It's more that I'm never sure how to start off a blog. I'm not exactly new to blogging, but I have never been good at starting off a new blog.

Enough of my yammering . . . oh wait. That's why you're here . . . right? HA!

I'm Em. I'm a life long messy (who happens to be married to a neat freak) and just in the past few years overweight person. I have finally come to the end of it and have had enough. I'm going to start purging the excess weight and shtuff!!

To be honest. I've been working on the excess weight since July 2009 via Weight Watchers. I started out 222.2 pounds and at my last weigh in a week and half ago (I have a good excuse for skipping a weigh in!!) I had lost a total of 15 pounds!  GO ME!! I'm down to 207.2.

Now my excuse for now weighing in this past week. My darling, gorgeous, sexy husband (otherwise known as my Italian) went into the hospital to have his ankle fused and ended up staying an extra week to have additional rehabilitation because he had the surgery on his strong leg.


I guess I should back up and rewind a bit? My husband is physically disabled, because of a couple car accidents,and gets around (most of the time) by use of a cane. He doesn't have a lot of use of his right side so when he walks he puts most of his weight on his left leg. Years of doing this has caused his ankle to begin to collapse causing him sudden sharp pains that would cause his spacticity to flair up. When this happened he would fall. Not good.
(Spacticity is something that causes the muscles to stiffen and lock)

Anyway. Since I really only got to see him in the hospital for a few hours each night and that night I needed to run a b-day card over to one of our neices before I went there, I skipped my weigh in. Actually . . . last week I skipped everything. You see I'm also doing Curves 3 days a week. My excuse is the same. I wanted to see my husband! Of course he came home Thursday afternoon, so I could have gone Thursday evening but the novelty of having him home hadn't worn off yet. And I had to work late.

ENOUGH EXCUSES! Lets get down to business.

Originally I was going to do a weight loss blog.

Eh . . .

My life is so much more interesting! Plus, once I lose the weight, sure keeping it off will generate plenty to talk about, but I don't know about you? I'm going to get bored! Did I mention I was ADD and a slacker? Yeah, just a little.

Currently my Italian and I are living in a cute little 2 bed/2 bath cave apartment. Unfortunately, because I am a messy and a hoarder in training, my stuff is EVERYWHERE! Here, take a look at our storage closet.

*sigh* I'm so embarrassed.

In my defense. It doesn't look THAT bad now. I unpacked some of the boxes of glasses and dishes and put them away in the buffet I got from my grandmother's house. It's coming along . . . slowly.

All of that to say, this is a blog of the adventure of digging out from underneath the excess of life. The excess weight, the excess stuff, and learning to live a healthier simpler life.

Wish me luck, cause here I go!