Weight loss blogging

I’ve noticed that when I’m posting here on a regular basis, I’m more successful at my weight loss. So . . .

Not that I’m thinking that if I blog consistently that *poof* magically the weight will come off. I do know a little better than that . . . most of the time.

But there really is something to being accountable to the people on the other side of the computer screen.

So I just wanted to say thank you for hanging in there with me through my frequent disappearances and long sojourns away from here.

I can’t promise I won’t do that again. I know myself way to well for that. And . . .

I’m moving! Well not me, myself, I. But this little blog is.

No. Not to a self-hosted site. Not yet at least. But I am jumping onto the wordpress.com  bandwagon.

My plan is to make the move this weekend. Saturday or Sunday. Whenever I can sit down and get up the guts to do it. (I’m scurrred . . . sorta.)

My new address after this weekend will be:

unearthingem.wordpress.com

Pop over . . . let me know what you think. I’ve got a lot more going on over there then is visible (cause I’ve hidden it all! HA!) But I think it’ll be good. And I’ll be able to respond to comments individually. I miss that in blogger. :-/

In Real Life

How is it that my best ideas for blog posts come when I'm no where near a computer & have nothing to write with or write on! Ergh! And I've had the same idea twice! It's not coming to me at all right now either . . . 


But it's still November! Do you know what November brings? NaBloPoMo!!!! Now since it's November 3, I'm not participating officially. But I figure the challenge to blog everyday for 30 days is one I should take on/can do.

Where have I been?


Well the day after my last blog post I went to WordCamp RVA and learned SO SO much! (I spent the past two weeks sorting through the information . . . maybe . . . sorta . . . yeah, something like that.) But speaking of WordCamp, it did push me in the direction of something I've been meaning to do for quite a while, but I'll talk about that later on in the week.
Work . . . well, that's just work.
The following weekend I left for the Shenandoah mountains for a women's retreat. It was SUCH a FAST weekend. But beautiful.
This past weekend was my Italian's last horseback therapy lesson, so we have our weekends back! YES! And they're not booked up through the end of the year! YES!
Though this coming weekend we are going up to my parents' to help them pack. (They're moving! The house is almost built! YAY!!!)


So what has happened with the Italian?


Well we discussed it and while he was trying to support me, I explained to him that I did appreciate it, but I didn't need a coach, I needed a . . . ummm . . . (crap) I forgot what I had said! But we've come to an understanding and we're able to discuss it in a calm manner. (He's always calm. I'm the one who needed to chill before we could discuss.)


Yoga!


I went to my first yoga class last Tuesday! Oh. my. gersh! I'm in lurve. I'm addicted. I'm plotting on how to get out of the contract with the gym I'm with now and move to American Family where I can go take that and other classes.

And I'm taking another class next Monday . . . seriously . . . gotta get this figured out. May have to wait until the beginning of the year though. #lame

How are ya'll? 


Didja miss me much?  (HA!!)

When Support is a Bad Thing . . .

Welcome to Friday! Yay!!

How did the Unearthing/Italian household start off their last day of the week?

A fight . . . well . . . an argument.

About what you ask?

My health, my weightloss.

Excuse me while I rant here for a second. But, LAY OFF! Let me do me. Let me lose my weight and live life at the same time! So I'm not dropping 5 lbs in a week. I'M NOT YOU!! 
I don't like my job. It's draining.
I don't wake up right away and am ready to tackle the world. I need time to wake up. I WAKE UP SLOWLY. I always have, I always will. HOWEVER! When I've been needed in the ungodly hours of the night (3am, 1am . . . ) I've been up, fully alert and attentive. I can rise to whatever challenge comes my way.
Have a little faith in me!

No, so I've not followed through on Every. Single. Thing. I've said I'd do. No, I didn't lose weight for our wedding. (I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and found a new job after being unemployed)
No, I didn't lose weight for my brother's wedding. (Correction, I didn't get below 200 lbs for my brother's wedding) I didn't gain weight either. Well, okay, I did gain weight but I lost it again and the weight lost revealed muscle and I slimmed down.
Sure, I'm still over 200 pounds, but I'm a slimmer, healthier 205, 206 (as of this morning) than I was at this weight when I was losing it faster!
I would MUCH rather be a healthy, strong fat girl. Than a weak, unhealthy skinny girl.

In fact, I'll put it out there. If I EVER fit into the skinny minny category, you have my permission to tie me down and truck me to what ever hospital/therapist/psychotherapist you deem suitable. I was not built to be skinny minny. I've got broad shoulders and large thighs (which I'm learning to love!) that were built for strength and muscle.

My thighs may always brush together, but I'm okay with that.

I'm learning . . . there is such thing as TOO much support. When that support is overwhelming, smothering and causes stress.

So my dear, wonderful, caring Italian husband dear. BACK. THE. HELL. OFF!


Thank you. #thatisall

A case of "2"s

I weighed myself this morning and I was down a pound . . . sorta. I've gotten in the bad habit of weighing myself most days. It's CRAZY how my weight fluctuates! But . . . Ya know what . . . the title of this blog post is WRONG! Somehow I thought that I had 2.2 pounds before I was down 20 pounds from my starting weight of 222.2 pounds.

*sigh*


Nope. 2.4 pounds.

Meh.

I can do that too.

For me? Really?

I've been totally happy dancing all over the place this week.


(Okay yeah, some of it is caffeine induced. Caffeine seems to have a euphoric effect on me recently. At least coffee caffeine. Coffee caffeine from my coffee maker at home. The stuff here at work is ick! And Starbuck's coffee has always tasted burnt to me. (Sacrilege!) Eh . . . I grew up with a coffee snob as a father. Sue me . . . wait. Don't do that. I don't have any money to give you!) <--- tangent anyone?

ANYWHO! (Yes, I know, some of you hate that . . . or wait . . . he doesn't read this. HA! Wow . . . I need to cut back on the caffeine. Or just not write every thought that crosses my happy little brain. Hee!)


I got a blogger award! (oh my gosh! oh my gosh! oh my gosh! *giggles* *grins* *happy dances*)

 EmilysInnerSkinny awarded this to me. (She is absolutely adorable by the way, and I'm not just saying that because she awarded this to me or because we share the same name! She really is!)

The Rules (because there are always rules.)

1. Thank the person who gave it to you.

Thank you FitTwitEmily! You have NO idea how totally this made my day when I found it! :-) 

2. Sum up your blog philosophy in five words.

(ooh . . . I hadn't thought about this one before  . . . Umm . . . ) Unearthing Myself from Life's Clutter (Yup, that's it.)

3. Pay it forward by nominating ten more awesome bloggers.

1. Kristen @ Unfit and Fat
2. Jane @ The Borrowed Abode
3. Hypo Girl  
4. One Frugal Foodie
5. SAL @ Secret Agent L
6. Jenn @ Jenn Cuisine
7. Emily @ The Front Burner
8. Just Running
9. Amy @ Simply Sugar & Gluten Free
10. Mrs. Grok @ Primal Kitchen

Yes, I like food. Why do you ask?

A Peek behind the curtain

This post started out as a study in how clothing can change how drastically a person looks. But then, I got carried away with the pictures and decided to introduce you to some of my family. Enjoy!

It's truly amazing what a change of dress can do to a person. Take Labor Day weekend and my brother's wedding.

Little Army Bro and I

The above picture is at the rehearsal. I look fantastic! I look skinny in fact. (If I do say so myself)

Lil Army Bro's Wife's  Cousin & Matron of Honor and Myself

This one is at the wedding. I look 20 pounds heavier! I didn't gain 20 pounds overnight. Frankly, Lil Army Bro's Wife's Cousin (I guess she's Little Army Sis now?) isn't as heavy as that picture portrays her. They were just awful dresses. (I'm really not miserable, I did have a MASSIVE migraine, but I was quite happy. I just look miserable.)

Just a word of advice if you're getting married, don't order you're bridesmaid's dresses online. It's a disaster waiting to happen.

OH! I told you Baby Bro and his girlfriend are now engaged right?

Baby Bro and his future bride

I'm gonna have to come up with a different name for her. She's my age!

Little Army Bro and his bride

For the record, both of my brothers are taller than I am. Their significant others . . . shorter. Though Baby Bro's fiance may be my height. I don't know. (And he STILL hasn't put up pictures of his proposal. I want pictures! ha!)

OH! 

My mom and I. Spooky huh? Guess who I'm going to look like when I grow up? (If only I can look as good as her when I'm her age!)

Scary People

 It's amazing how one little tweet can bring up a time of self-inspection.

Yup, that's the tweet.

For the record. I'm actually quite the outgoing, social butterfly. Until you put me in a giant room, with a hundreds of people who I don't know, far away from home. Yeah, then I shut down. Sensory overload? Yep. My introverted side kicks into high gear and it takes all I have not to run out the doors and sequester myself in the nearest coffee shop/bookstore.

To be honest? Even blogger meet-ups terrify me!

I say that having only been to one. It was a trip up to DC to meet with several healthy-living bloggers. It was also the weekend after the Cherry Blossom Festival, so I dragged my Italian up there to explore.

When Anne from FANNEtasticFood e-mailed out the invite, I responded with a resounding yes and said:

I'll be there! I'm totally excited (and completely nervous . . . silly!) about it!

 It was true, I was totally excited to meet all the bloggers. But I was terrified!

• What if they don't like me?
• I'm not even from DC, what if they hold that against me?
• What if they realize that I'm still striving to live healthy? That I'm really just trying to lose weight right now . . . Will they be okay with that?
• What if they're all absolutely gorgeous and skinny and snobby?

Anne assured me everyone was really nice. And they were! But honestly, if my Italian had not been with me, I think I very well may have completely shut down! Everyone was AB.SO.LOOT.LEE. Gorgeous (and skinny) but they were all very kind too.

Now I figured this was just a "me" issue. When I read what the illustrious, super-self confident MizFit tweeted about just going up to people and introducing yourself and explaining your by yourself and feeling awkward, I thought wow . . . that's pretty sage advice if you ask me. So I said so. When she replied with this:

 

I almost fell out of my chair! MizFit? Awkward? What?? **does not compute** 

At the same time, I realized something. These super-bloggers I greatly admire, are 

Just. Human. (What? Really? No . . . way!)

I've decided to woman up and maybe drag myself bribe myself into going pop up at a blogger conference. (I'm thinking either Chicago (as I know people there) or New York (as Bethlehem, PA isn't that far away) to attend.) 

All I ask is that if you see a brown-haired woman in the corner rocking and sucking her thumb, it's probably me. Have a little pity and smack me out of it.

Thanks! 

I haz skinny!

Okay, this picture didn't look nearly as blurry on my phone this morning.

Ergh.

The Next 6

I know, I know. In the last post I said I had lots to tell you about and I've still not told you about it all (or made any progress in that direction either).
What I have been doing is thinking. I mentioned that near the beginning of this month I turned 30. If you'd told me at 20 that I would still not have any children, I would have laughed in your face.

My plan was to be done having babies by 30. It looks like I may be starting to have babies at 30.
No. I'm not pregnant. :-( Not yet at least.
The Italian has been willing to start thinking in that direction recently, especially since he's started working again.
I have it stuck in my head that we'll start trying for babies in March. In order for that to happen, a few things need to happen first:

1. I need to get be euthyroid. In other words, my thyroid is functioning normally.
2. I need to shed as much of the excess weight that I'm carrying as I can.
3. I need to get into better physical shape.

I have an appointment with my favorite endo, Dr. Mini-Giant in November to do bloodwork and see where I am. Right now, I'm feeling good with the level of thyroid replacement hormone that I'm on. I'm feeling like me again. Or closer than I have been in the past couple years. I think, at least for the moment, I'm on the right level of medication. Now it could change tomorrow, it could change next year. I don't know.

2 and 3 sort of go together. I don't simply want to lose the excess weight, but I also want to be as healthy, strong and fit as I possibly can be. When I go back to see Dr. Mini-Giant or even when I go see my gyno, next month, I am seriously considering asking one of them for a referral to a nutritionist or registered dietitian.
I've been playing with my diet and eating methods for quite a while now. I felt my best the short time I was eating paleo, but the eating meat so often was quite overwhelming. I didn't grow up vegetarian, but we didn't eat a whole lot of meat either.
In talking to mom a while back, I came to the conclusion that it was really the absence of grains that made the difference! So while I may end up eating primal/paleo again, I'm taking my time with it this time around.
The first step in that is cutting out gluten. It's only been a week and half, but I'm pretty happy with the way things are going.
Eventually I plan on cutting out all grains, but I think I do want to talk to someone who knows what they're talking about!

3 also stands on its own. I'm working on a work-out plan that will be real lifeable. I already swim twice a week (Wednesdays and Saturdays) but I'd like to incorporate some weight training and maybe even defeat the C25k monster that's been mocking me.

So that's my next 6 months. Maybe this time next year, I'll be discussing how close I am to a little one joining us! (here's hoping)

Starting from Scratch

Don't you hate it when you have TONS to say, but sit down to create a post and *poof* it all disappears? That's been me recently. I've got about 5 unfinished posts sitting in my draft folder. Recapping Army Bro's wedding and Baby Bro's proposal. (Though I'm STILL waiting on pictures of the proposal to pop up on facebook. *sigh* Doesn't he know I have a blog to post them on? Oh wait . . . No, he doesn't. But that's another post for another day.)

I've got a post drafted about our storage room, but I've not got the pictures on my computer yet. (This is why there aren't many pictures . . . Er . . . Umm . . . I just keep forgetting to load them, then forgetting to post them . . . *sigh* One day!)
After the pool this past Saturday, we went to Mama and Papa Italian's for the day. I don't recall how it came about, OH! I think we were talking about dinner plans for the week. My Italian mentioned he was just going to eat Smart Ones when I was going to be home late and it turned out that was going to be almost EVERY night this week. I mentioned that the sodium content in that was ridiculous and that it wasn't a good idea.
To my surprise Mama Italian agreed with me! So . . . this week, pretty much everything we're eating is from scratch! Albeit, I've only made one soup and have 3 others planned (maybe I'll get to them this weekend?). But my Italian is finally on board with making stuff from scratch at home! 

YES!!!

I've only been fighting this battle since we've been married! He's grown up on ready-made food, since his mom doesn't really cook. She warms. (It's a sad, but true joke/fact in there family.) I on the other hand grew up with meals based around real, whole foods. Though when I moved out of the house, I did delve into the pre-processed foods because, honestly?, they're a lot easier for a single person. 

If I'd known that all I had to do was enlist Mama Italian's help with this, I'd have done that a long time ago. But I think his weight gain has brought more concern to his health and eating habits. Not that he gained a lot, 15, maybe 20 pounds. But he did have to go up a pant size and she WAS NOT happy about that. 

It makes sense. When a person tends to put all of their weight on one side when he or she is walking, you don't want to weigh a whole lot. He was healthy at 150 or 155 just very very slender. He's still pretty slender but he's got a little bit of belly now. His baclofen pump used to look like a hockey puck under his skin, but now you can only see one side of it. 

Most of his weight gain is due to being restricted to his chair while he was recovering from surgery. He still spends most of his time in his chair, but is able to work-out everyday. Whether it be in the pool or the treadmill at home. 

We're eating mostly soups this week. 

They're easy to make, easier to store and quick to reheat for dinners. 

I think I may try to prep all of our meals on Saturday, so when their day of reckoning comes, all I have to do is pop it in the oven or throw it together. Cause I don't want to be eating soup all the time. 

This means I need to do my meal planning by Friday afternoon and grocery shopping, either Friday night or Saturday after the pool. Sunday's are out because my Italian has horseback riding 3x a year for 6 week sessions each time. So during those times, my Sundays are booked. Though I could make a meal between church and the time to leave for horseback riding. Especially if his class stays at 4:15. 

So step 1 has been accomplished. Getting my Italian on board with eating whole, healthy foods. Step 2. Learn to appreciate (and do most of our shopping at) farmer's markets! I just need to lure him out to a few. 

He's uber cheap, so I'm wondering  . . . meh . . . I don't know.

Any ideas on how to accomplish step 2?

Fighting for my thyroid

September 13 - 19 is Invisible Illness Awareness Week. It's a week dedicated to bringing to light many of the illnesses/diseases that people deal with day-to-day that aren't visible at just a glance. 

Back in August of 2008, a little over a month before I was supposed to marry the Italian, I went to see a brand new doctor to get a check-up. Something I hadn't done in YEARS! I was overweight, but seemed healthy. He did some bloodwork and I got a call a week later telling me that I was hypothyroid. Essentially, my thyroid wasn't producing enough hormone.
As soon as I got off the phone with my doctor, I called my mom in an utter panic! My crazy uncle was hypothyroid right? I'm going to turn into him! A completely incompetent, self-centered crazy person! Mom confirmed that my uncle was hypothyroid too, but I wasn't going to turn into him as he had other issues as well. Mom wasn't terrible surprised at my diagnosis as it explained all the weight I had suddenly gained. (I had written it off to being back working in a call center. Though I was amazed I had held off gaining tons of weight for so long, then *poof* it all appeared. It now makes sense).

I began doing research (while trying to do the last minute planning for my wedding), and everything I read pointed me towards Hashimoto's disease. Not that I could really understand a lot of what I was reading. It all seemed to be written in gibberish. I continued going to see my GP and he would up my doseages in the goal to bring me down to a "normal person's" level. Meanwhile, the symptoms I had read about when I first diagnosed where starting to pop up.

• Fatigue - though it was never really too bad. I just felt worn out at the end of the day. And I wanted to sleep a lot, but that's the way I've always been. I LOVE my sleep! My husband noticed it more than I did.
• Crazy Week - I went to go see my GP after I had spent a week feeling like I was losing my mind. I honestly thought I was going crazy! After some questions about my family history with depression and anxiety, he put me on an anti-depressant.
• Migranes - This was a new one. Headaches lasting for days on end, and I always knew when one was coming on because hours before I would have light spots in front of my eyes. (Like you get when you look at something bright then look away. It took him a while to put me on a migrane medication and then we had to battle the insurance company, but I was put on Topomax.
• Brain Farts/CRS (Can't Remember Shit) - More often called brain fog, but mine never felt foggy. I just couldn't think or concentrate some days . . . I guess that's brain fog.
• High Cholesterol - It went up and down as my TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone) numbers went up and down. We battled over that one and had the same conversation over and over and over. He would put me on it, we'd get my blood work back and my numbers were fine and I would take myself off of it. 

Earlier this year I finally had enough and broke up with my GP. Not for good, but he's no longer running the thyroid show. I found a fabulous endocrinologist who not only GOT that my thyroid numbers & cholesterol were related, but he was willing to treat my entire endocrine system as a whole, not just rely on my TSH numbers.
At my last appointment we were discussing my week old blood work results (as opposed to 6 months old, like I would with my GP) and my suspicions of Hashimoto's came up. It was confirmed. I have Hashimoto's disease.

What's Hashi . . .Hash . . . Hashi-who?

Hashimoto's Disease is an auto-immune disease. Essentially, the immune system doesn't recognize the thyroid anymore and begins attacking (though my endo said attacking is the wrong word. Sounds right to me from what I've read!) it with anti-bodies. It slowly kills the thyroid until it quits working altogether.
And that pretty much has exhausted my knowledge of Hashimoto's.

Thyroid disease, be it Hashimoto's, Grave's Disease (the anti-immune cousin to Hashimoto's), hyperthyroidism, or hypothyroidism, truly are invisible. It is an under-diagnosed disease and one that disguises itself as a whole spectrum of issues.
Sure, to lose weight you're supposed to eat less and move more. But when you're too tired to get out of bed and really aren't eating much at all anyway, but still gaining weight . . . what do you do?
I've been fortunate in that I think mine was caught near the beginning. I've had a lot of luck with finding a doctor who treats me as a patient and not as numbers.

However, dealing with Hashimoto's is still a daily battle. My medicine was upped and before I could get to fill my new prescription, my thyroid meds ran out. In the past week, I've experienced exhaustion like I have never known. (I know, I should have gotten to the pharmacy and picked them up. But you know that brain fog I was talking about earlier? Yea . . . I don't think about it until I'm

• home in bed
• at work w/o the credit card (and my Italian doesn't drive)
• out somewhere w/o the credit card or prescription (or I have one and not the other)

I did finally get my act together this morning and I have both! Now to remember to GO to the pharmacy. Oy!

Even on medication, my "normal" isn't the average normal. I still struggle with irrational insecurity (lending its way to very mild paranoia at times), fatigue, and the inability to concentrate (I fondly call it my ADD). Overall, I'm lucky though. I am able to function in normal society and appear normal. Most days, I even feel normal and forget that it's a little pill I take first thing in the morning that is helping me keep my sanity.

IT SUCKS!

I'm still learning about this and how best to battle my own immune system in protection of a gland that, essentially, helps keep my body balanced. And while I may be fighting a losing battle, I'm bound and determined to stretch this battle as long as it will go and do whatever it takes to protect the little butterfly in my throat!

A few of my favorite thypeeps who I have leaned heavy on and learned a lot from:

Dear Thyroid : A website that is committed to bringing thyroid disease to the forefront and being a support community to those battling thyroid disease.

Dear Thyroid is committed to being part of the solution. As a community, we invoke change, one letter, one column, one image, one meet-up, one awareness band at a time. We are a collective, unrelenting, unstoppable movement. Join us.

Hypogirl : shhhhh . . . I absolutely love her! I have learned a lot from her podcasts and her website is full of kittehs! (Her meows are adorable!)

Mary Shomon : The Queen of Thyroid patient advocacy. I found her when I was first diagnosed with hypothyroidism and she was able to put what I was reading into English.

Bad Karma

I am a horrible, horrible person! I feel really awful too.

You see, the Italian made an appointment for Logan-butt to go to the vet because he's been more and more agressive. Hissing at people and his attacks on Rufus-monster have heightened to the point that Rufus had started spraying. We got Feliway and that seemed to take care of that . . . On the way to the vet I was turning onto a busy road when my Italian pointed out a deer as it disappeared into the woods. As I turned onto the road and began to speed up I heard/felt a THUMP, like I'd hit something. I looked in my rear view mirror and I'd hit a fawn!

MASSIVE EPIC FAIL! (that seems almost glib, but it's not.)


I was/am totally horrified!  The poor thing got up, stumbled a few steps in the wrong direction and collapsed in the middle of one of the lanes.
I honestly didn't know what to do! I drove onto the vet and before we got in there someone pulled in behind us, got in there first and told them. Apparently there was an accident (more bad karma) caused by/involving/related to the deer (I didn't quite catch it) and it had been reported and someone was on there way.
I didn't hit the fawn on purpose! I didn't see it! Ugh . . . I'm still completely guilt-ridden though. :-( Bad bad EM!!! (And I have to go that same route tomorrow to work.)
On the way home, I didn't see a sign of an accident or of the fawn. I'm hoping that it is getting medical attention if it needs it and that the accident wasn't too bad.

:0(

A Year Ago Today . . .

. . . I heard my phone ring at 8:30 and decided to ignore it because I was comfortable in bed and didn't want to wake up. It rang again 1/2 hour later, so I figured whoever it was, it must be somewhat important. It was Mom. I knew something had to be up, because she doesn't call in that sort of frequency. I was afraid something had happened to my Grandmother Fortney, her mom.
I missed her second call, but called her back.
That's when she told me. Buh, my father's mother, had died in the night. She had fallen in her room and was halfway under the bed. My (worthless) uncle called my Dad to find out what to do. Dad told him to call 911 and that he was on his way down. The ambulance came and they rushed her to the hospital where they worked on her until 1:30 or so in the morning, when they declared her dead. Sometime during the time she was on the floor or in the ambulance she suffered a heart attack.
That's what they said she died of.

It came as a total shock to all of us. I figured Buh was going to live to be at least 100. She was the oldest of 5, by far the most healthy and the most spunky. This is the woman who, while I was in high school, broke her ankle and was still up and around trying to move on it. I went down for a weekend to take care of her and repeatedly threatened to sit on her if she didn't sit still!
That was the type of relationship we had. I was her granddaughter, but we were both very blunt with each other. She was blunt with me in a way that she wasn't with anyone else. She was MY grandma. I was also the only granddaughter and, in the month or so before she died, filled the roll that a daughter would have filled. My mom was busy taking care of her parents, as her Mom is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's Disease.

After I got off the phone with Mom (I argued with her about Buh dying. I couldn't believe it!) I knew I had a couple phone calls to make. One was to Buh's hairdresser. I had called to make an appointment to get her hair done. She had let it get out of control recently and it was in desperate shape. I also had to call a friend of mine who I was supposed to go out with that day and tell her I was goinng to be running late.
Mom pushed me to keep my "date" with her as there really wasn't anything I could have done. I sat on the  edge of my bed and cried. My Italian sat next to me, just holding me and letting me cry.

I barely pulled myself together to cancel her hair appointment and called Julie to let her know what was going on and that I would be late.

The rest of that weekend is a slight blurr. Going back to work on Monday was a nightmare. I couldn't focus, and all I really wanted to do was hide under my desk and cry. I arranged to have that Thursday and Friday off since Buh's funeral was on Thursday. (That was probably the fastest time-off approval I'd ever gotten.)

Buh's memorial service was beautiful. She would have LOVED the reception afterwards. It was strange to be having a party without her there.  The women of her church set up the reception and served all of the food.

Her memorial service was just the first of many parties and get togethers we had that her presence was acutely missed. Thanksgiving came and it felt so very very different. I tried to make and bring the foods she usually brought, but it just wasn't the same. Her comments and conversation left a giant hole (I felt) in the atmosphere.

Christmas came and while the pain had eased some, she was still sorely missed. As time has gone on, the pain of her not being with us anymore has eased, but her missing presence is still felt at all of the family gatherings.

ArmySIS-IL's bridal shower is where it was very acute. Her grandmother reminded me of a toned down Buh and they would have gotten along fantastically! At ArmyBro's wedding, I missed her too. I would have loved to have heard her commentary on the goings on. She always had something to say.

It's been a year. I thank God for the time I had with her and that she got to see me get married and see her family the way it will be.

TOM, TMI, & Baby-sitting

Disclaimer: If you're eating and have a sensitive stomach or are easily grossed out, finish eating, digest and come back and read this later. 

Sometimes being female sucks!
I'm sitting on the couch with my netbook on my lap hoping the heat it generates will relax my cramps away so I can get up and childproof our apartment before 5 kids (and a Mother's Helper) come over to play for the afternoon/early evening!

A dear friend of mine has 6 (so far) kids and is going to a wedding down here in Richmond. She's taking the baby (dang it!) with her, so we get to play with the older ones. Thankfully it's a nice day out. The plan is to take them to a park that's near by and wear them out on the playground there. Then we'll go play in the pool here at the apartment complex (hopefully it won't be too cold).

Papa Italian picked up my Italian to take him to the pool so I could be home when they got here. Sometime between 12 and 1 today. Mama or Papa Italian is going to pick him up, probably get him lunch then bring him home to the chaos that awaits him.

Bwwwwaaaaaahhhh aaaaahh!

I'm just hoping these cramps go away before they get here. I think my body is trying to push my ovaries out of my ass! Seriously! I know that was TMI . . . sorry.

I was sitting on the pot this morning and thinking (because, yes, I do quite a bit of thinking on the pot, provided I can keep the monsters out of the bathroom). Maybe TOM is not only the shedding of the uterine wall (hey, I warned you it was going to be TMI!!) but for my body it's also a way to detox its system too.
What brought this thought on?
I poop . . . A LOT during that TOM. Sort of like my body trying to get rid of all the waste that is in my system. So maybe I need to let my body do that, and assist it along. Stay hydrated, eat foods that I know make me happy (chocolate and coke (aka soda) are massive no-no's today if I want to stay vertical and not end up in bed in the fetal position wanting to either die or throw up) and maybe yoga it out some.

What do I eat from here?

These past couple weeks have been absolutely craziness!

The Highlights

• last Tuesday (August 31) I went to my endo appointment and he confirmed my suspicions that my strain of hypothyroidism is Hashimoto's.
• Army Bro got married in Manteo, NC (just outside Nags Head) over Labor Day weekend, so future sis-in-law is now Sis-in-law!
• I turned 30
• Baby Bro proposed to his girlfriend today. I now have a new future Sis-in-Law! 
• I spent a majority of my day off at DMV getting my license renewed (to the tune of $617!)

I guess it's really been the past week, week and half. Still. I'm glad it's the weekend, not that I'm stopping any.

It's been a busy one! With it all I've been mulling over the fate of this here blog. I enjoy doing this, it's kinda like therapy for me, but it feels sorta directionless. Sure, I'm trying to lose weight, but there's so much more going on!

I am still trying to figure out what sort of food objects my body is happiest on. I know what my mouth likes . . .

• chocolate
• coke (translastion: soda)
• chocolate milkshakes
• fast food french-fries
• Lays potato chip

But that's not what's best for me (or my waistline). And I will freely admit to having indulged multiple times in the past month. Especially coke.
The coke fiasco has been bad enough that I had a migrane (started out as a stress headache) from Saturday afternoon through Tuesday evening. How did I finally get ride of it? While I was grocery shopping I picked up a 20oz Dr. Pepper and slammed it down my throat on my way to pick up my Italian from the pool.
Unfortunately, I've not really cut back on my soda intake this week while at work.
But the headache through the ArmyBro's wedding weekend (maybe it was more alcohol than I'm used to drinking contributed slightly? But an almost permanent hangover, that sleep won't knock out? Naaaah) has cleared one thing up in my head quite clearly. Coke . . . soda . . . pop . . . whatever you want to call it has GOT to go.
I thought I had kicked the habit earlier this year. I guess it's one that I need to stay away from a little bit longer.
The other strange thing about the headache was that I normally am soda-free on the weekends. The reason I indulge during the week is that it's sitting in the fridge at work calling. "Em, Em. Come drink us. You know you want one. Come on. Just one won't hurt. You can pour us into a smaller cup and pretend like you're not drinking as much. Just one, come on Em."
Then two or three of them end: up from my hand into the recycling bin by the end of the day. Some days more. It's a rare day, recently, that it's less. (Ugh . . . the craving for a soda has kicked in now! Fortunately we don't have any in the house.)

To be honest with you, I'm tired of writing these types of posts. I'm tired of trying to figure out what my eating pattern looks . . . what my healthy eating pattern looks like.
Though if I were truly honest with myself, my search has truly been half-hearted. I go full speed ahead into something and it lasts 2 . . . 2 1/2 weeks, then I get bored, overwhelmed or just simply lazy and move onto the next thing. Or revert back to my old habits.

HOWEVER, my dabbling in various forms of eating has led me to this knowledge of myself (and that's what life is right? A journey of figuring one's self out?) :

My body likes fats. It operates better on a fattier diet. It's not big on grains though.

Reading that, going primal or paleo sounds like the best way to go. For me the pure amount of meat I ate was overwhelming. And I missed legumes. I grew up more flexitarian than anything, if I had to put a label on it. Mom traded meat out for beans and that sort of thing. She went through a mercifully short tofu phase. None of us really liked it. I just remember it tasting like huge chunks of peanut butter. I think Mom made a stir fry or something with it. 

So I'm thinking, based on what I know about myself and the way my body works.

• fat is good
• soy is out
• gluten is out
• grains may be phased out or at least minimized
• too much meat is overwhelming
• no meat is not an option as I don't do soy. (Is there another option to meat besides soy?)
• soda needs to go
• sugar needs to say bye-bye-bye.

The Italian and I have joined back on Weight Watchers. We're doing the online version, but it still really helps. I don't know when he decided, but on the way home from Manteo, NC, my Italian informed me that he was not eating sweets anymore.

WHAT! 

He tells me this, on my birthday, while I'm talking about the cake that I'm going to make for myself for my birthday the next day (which didn't happen as I was at DMV for half the day). That is definitely going to make it sorta easier. But then it's not because I'll just eat it when I'm not home or out with him. However, not having an allowance anymore will make it easier because I won't have the money to buy the junk food, but when I do get money is that where it will go?

What about the Hashi's diagnosis? What can I eat to help my thyroid defend itself from my immune system? Or distract my immune system from attacking my thyroid?

What do I eat from here?

Babies, dresses and excuses

Okay, so I get it. I now understand why I've not been losing weight despite working out and (I thought) eating healthy. I'm still over-eating.

So WW is probably a good place for me to be after all.

• IF I'd track every morsle that goes into my mouth
• IF I'd stop eating once my points are gone
• IF I would stick to it like a man in the ocean clings to a piece of driftwood.

Afterall, I know I can do this. I did plan out my meals for the entire week. Every meal, every snack, everything. With the exception of yesterday, I have points left over as well.

I even have planned when I am going to pre-make some of the meals. Like this morning. I don't have my endocrinologist appointment until 9:45 this morning, so I'm going to make breakfast for the rest of the week.

Vegetable Quiche Cups

The only difference is that I am using real eggs instead of egg substitute. I'd rather eat the real thing.

Actually the dependence WW has on "fake" foods, or at least what they seem to preach, was one of the things that really bothered me before I left this past time. Of course I'm back! But this time I'm going to eat real food, and if I'm not getting to eat as much because what I'm eating doesn't have the chemicals or added sugars to make it low fat, then so be it! (Okay, off my little soap-box now.)

OH Poopie-heads! I forgot to send in my e-mail for this week's DDGBD! Ugh!

I have a good excuse though (hey! I saw that! Stop rolling your eyes when I mention my excuse . . . I know, I know. I'm full of them . . . or it. But you never know when you'll need a good one).

Just a quick review . . . remember how I was complaining about the world's UGLIEST bride's maid dress? Well . . . Julie came to my rescue. Future Army SIL met me at my folk's house on Saturday and brought the bigger dress that she had ordered for me, then we went to Julie's to see what magic she could create. We tried the dress on that I massacred and they determined the reason that I look pregnant is because it's TOO SMALL! (What? But it fastens!) So we tried on the new, bigger one (when you're trying to lose weight . . . this doesn't help!). It fit the way it was supposed to!

Sorta. I still looked like I was falling out of the top, but apparently this dress was made correctly! (The other dresses were far too long (falling at midcalf instead of the knee) and I think the bow was WAY too big!)

Julie, being the master seamstress and queen of fabric that she is, cut up the too small dress and took some of the fabric from the skirt to make a drapie (yes, I know that's not a word) modesty cloth (for lack of a better word). It drapes across and raises the neck line to an appropriate height (meaning . . . my inside, side boobs aren't hanging out. Lovely picture I know).
We then went to lunch and then I went to Fredericksburg to meet up with a friend from high school for dinner.

I ended up with a new boyfriend. I didn't know I was popular among the 3 year-old set!

It kept him distracted and occupied so he didn't swing the lamp over the table! Of course it only lasted 5 minutes, until he started sticking his hand in the tea and drinking it that way. (Eeeewww! That's MY tea, thank you very much!)
It was good to catch up with Melani, it's been WAY TOO long since we'd gotten together.

After dinner I needed to get home, since I had nursery all day on Sunday.
Got home, collapsed into bed and zonked out cold. Sunday came way way too early and I found myself in the toddler nursery, since there weren't any infants. We played airplane and all sorts of other *push Em's muscles to the max* games. The Sunday School hour passed and I moved back to the infant nursery where Italian Cousin brought her 9 month old in. YAY!! Cutie-patootie! So I got to play with him for the time of the Sunday Service. He's looking like he wants to crawl but doesn't quite have the mechanics down yet.

OY! After church I was ready for a nap! But instead we created our food list for the week and went grocery shopping.
By the time it was time for bed, I was SO TIRED that I was getting cranky. Really, truly, honest to God cranky. I've not been that way in a long long time. I mean I've talked about being cranky, but this was true crankiness! OY!
I passed out thinking I needed to get up to send the DDGBD e-mail. And I still haven't done it.
Maybe after my endo appointment & work tonight?
Speaking of which, I need to get going!

Hilarious Tweets & Funky Feet

In honor of #ff or Follow Friday on Twitter, I thought I'd post some of my favorite tweets that made me think, giggle or evoke some other response.

@hypo_girl: When you are hypo - normal is standing on your  head! LOL. (I almost peed myself laughing when I read this! What makes it so funny though . . . is how TRUE it is!)

@halfofjess: You know you are a barefoot runner when, even in drunken stupor, you bet people that you can run down the block with no shoe (This is the fabulous lady who is responsible for Drop Dead Gorgeous By December.)
@JackSht: This is one of those days when the comments on my blog are funnier than the blog. I HATE THOSE DAYS! (Honestly, this guy is just hilarious anyway, but insightful . . . Which is always the best type of hilarious!)
@OperationJack: WOW. Stephen Strasburg needs Tommy John surgery. WOW! (I don't know what Tommy John surgery is (I guess I should google it) but I do know who Stephen Strasburg is!)
@cookswithtofu: It smells amazing in here! Working on a new sweet potato, garlic and herb dog cookie flavour. (TOTALLY not fair! She had me salivating . . . then I find out it's a dog cookie? Erm . . .)

Okay so, this one I found on facebook, but still! HIGH-LARIOUS!
Julie: My hubby sent me to the auto parts store with a shopping list. The poor kid at the counter couldn't figure out how to spell "flux capacitor." (Yes Julie, I stole this off your facebook page. This was just too too funny)

 Side note - The mail just came in and my fitbook arrived! YIPEE!!! I'd take a picture and show you, but my phone is still in the car and the elevators are acting wonky.

@5dollardinners: The children are playing "Fed-Ex Man"...a new game that involves door bell ringing, invisible packages and little people glee. (It's stuff like this that makes my clock start ticking again. Not that it really stopped. I want little people!)
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So this time next week I'll be getting my hair relaxed and my nails done. I'm debating on whether or not to do my own pedicure, cause my toenails are pretty gross. Either way, they'll be painted for the wedding, but I'm not sure whether to do them myself or to have them done. I do plan on getting a bottle of whatever color my fingernails are, so I can touch them up Sunday morning. (I'm notorious for ruining a manicure within 15 minutes of leaving the salon!)

OH! That reminds me! I still need to make my hair appointment. YEEP! Here's hoping he's got an opening or that he's even there!!!

PHEW! He has an opening. 9:45. Hopefully my Italian has to go in at 9. Otherwise he's either going to have to call the van to take him or go in at noon! Meh . . . I'm sure he'll go in at 9.
If only V would get back so I can go pee and go get my phone and charge it up to tell him when my hair appointment is! (I don't know his work number off the top of my head.) E-mail! DUH!

Okay I'm off to find someone to watch the phones while I pee. (Sorry, I know, TMI)

Dumping pictures

I just dumped 286 pictures from my phone onto my work computer. Maybe my phone will work faster now!
Are you ready for a barrage of random and strange pictures? Do you really want a barrage of random and strange pictures?
Eh, they're not that strange. Lots of my monsters, food pictures that were intended to go up here but never made it. I think that's mostly it. OH! And pictures from when we were at the beach and went to go see where my brother is getting married next weekend. 
YOU HAVE to see that!

Approaching the wedding sight

The aisle and where the deed will get done.

Back down the aisle

The sound from the back of the lighthouse. Yes, it is a lighthouse.

Another view of the back, but this time with the sexiest man in the world there too. My Italian. I LOVE HIM!

I do imagine the day of it might look a little different. I don't know for sure though. Since it is out in public I can't imagine she's planning much decorating the night before and the wedding is at 10am, so I know SHE's not doing any. Hrmmm . . . I am wondering.

And on to more pressing matters . . . such as yesterday's breakfast!

Greek yogurt and flax seeds mixed together and left to sit overnight

Nanners and mango tossed on top of the Greek Yogurt mess. YUM!

If you follow me on facebook or twitter you know I had chinese food for lunch that just about killed me! Working out last night wasn't pretty either.

Ya know how they always say, Junk in, Junk out? Yea.
Apparently that goes for eating too. I've not attempted to wrap my head around the "food as fuel" concept yet. But I think I get it. Or at least I get the lesson this time. (How many more times will I have to learn it before I REALLY get it? I have no idea.)
I did my work-out, but honestly thought I was going to die. (And I wasn't doing the Evil Lady either. This lady was nice, but it was still a pretty intensive work-out.)
But today is Friday. A new day and I think I nearly broke my blender trying to make my monster this morning. I also think I may have accidently used hot water when I added water to it. Right now it tastes awful! So it's sitting in the freezer here at work cooling down.
Why no picture?
Well . . . my phone is dead . . . rather the battery is dead and its sitting in my car. (Not so organized this morning, but I did get to work on time!)

OH! And if you're wanting something yummy for dinner you MUST go check out HEAB's Chili recipe. If I didn't already have plans for dinner tonight, we'd SO be having that for dinner! Maybe Sunday . . .   

Weight Watchers Take 2

Have I told you how much I love my Italian?
We weighed ourselves last night. He is a lot higher than he wants to be. Still in a healthy weight range, but he wants to lose 15 or 20 pounds.
I weighed in at 210. (Holding strong at that damn number!)
My Italian suggested we do Weight Watchers together. So he's going to get us signed up sometime today since he has the day off. We're going to do it online.
To be honest, part of me is very excited to make this attempt with my Italian. The other part of me wants to throw a massive temper tantrum and not do it.
However, as much as I don't want to admit it, my weight loss has not been that successful since I left Weight Watchers. (grumble, grumble, grumble)
So, back I go!
I think I may actually be a little more successful this time around.
Why?
I have someone doing it with me! I'm not making 2 different meals anymore. I'll be making one meal, just one for the two of us.
YAY!!
It's fun watching him learn about it all.

It's actually been good to step back from Weight Watchers and actually getting a chance to focus on learning what my body wants and how it feels best. I do know that a low fat diet isn't a happy place for me. The plan isn't to go crazy with fats, nor do I plan to indulge in the WW foods.
My Italian and I were talking about it last night. As soon as I started eating the WW food, I quit losing weight as well as when I was eating real food.
So real food and watching my points it is.

I think the biggest change will be for my Italian. I think he was shocked to find out that a can of Chef Boyardee was two servings. HA!! I know he'll do well though. I'm looking forward to having my fit Italian back. (not that I don't love him now. Cause I do, very much so.)

Wedding Faux Pas . . . Maybe?

So . . . I finally figured out how to fit into the god-awful bridesmaid dress I have to wear for my brother's wedding. (Trust me, I'm not just saying it's awful. It REALLY is! Even the bride, once she saw it on her Matron of Honor wasn't so thrilled with it!) I just had to rip the under skirt out.
The good stuff about the dress:

• it fits
• I don't have to wear a bra

The bad:

• BOOBIES! (Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, but when I'm showing more boob then I did at my wedding (and that was a lot), it's NOT a good thing)
• It's UG-G-G-G-LLY!
• The dress makes me look 9 months pregnant (Okay, maybe 7 months, but STILL!)
• Three of the 4 of us are wearing purple, we're going to look like the friggin' California Raisins!

source

Okay, maybe not as wrinkly. But still! YEEP!
And my darling Italian won't let me go get the skirt altered so it looks better on me. (Grrrr!!! BAD ITALIAN!) Though I understand his point of not spending money on something that I'll wear once for an hour.

An hour? That's it?
Okay, so here's my plan . . . the day of the wedding, I'm going into Nagshead to the beach house and get changed into the California Raisin dress. Meanwhile my parents are taking my Italian out to breakfast and I'm going to give Mom my reception dress.
I'm planning . . . after the ceremony, pictures, and all that formal schmormal stuff that you have to do with weddings is over and the reception starts, I'm slipping out of that dress into something that:

• looks good on me
• is comfortable

Is that a faux pas? Is that a bad thing? I mean, I know, agreeing to be in my brother's wedding, I have agreed to wear an ugly dress to honor my brother's happiness. But . . . really? The reception too?

Dear etiquette-wise peeps . . . besides running the risk of an upset brand-new sister-in-law . . . am I breaking any "rules?"

Returning to Being Me

Hrmm . . . I guess I should check my draft folder more often! I wrote this mid/end of July. I think I was waiting to get pictures off my camera for it. But ya know . . . It's all still very true!

Hi guys! I'm back! I've been back from the beach for 2 weeks now and still trying to really plug back in.

Inching out of vacation mode I guess?

It's lovely though. I did manage to start and finish my first knitted scarf. Put scarf pictures here

Isn't it pretty?

Mom loved it! I should have gotten a picture of her with it . . . but I didn't. Red is so TOTALLY her color too.

I had started on another one a variegated purple, which I left at my folk's house. (Ergh!)

I was up home for a bridal shower for my future sister-in-law. I got up there in the morning to help Mom set up for the shower.

My goal recently has been to work out twice a day. That, more often than not, NOT happening; I strive to work out at least once.

Well trying to get myself and my Italian ready, the monsters fed as well as lunch and dinner made for my Italian (the poor man ate peanut butter & honey sandwiches for lunch and dinner, but that's what he wanted! *sigh* I love that man!) working out got pushed to the back and didn't happen.

Then I remembered.

Mom had a yoga dvd that she used to do all the time. So when we got done setting everything up and Mom went up to get a shower I tried out the DVD. It felt really really good.

Maybe there is something to this yoga thing after all. It was only 20 minutes, but that seemed to be enough to get a light sheen of sweat going and I felt like I accomplished something.

The bridal shower was a success. It was neat to meet her family. I have completely fallen in love with her grandmother. I truly, truly wanted to keep her. She was a lovely woman who in some ways reminded me of Buh, my paternal grandmother (who was missed greatly at the shower. She would have loved it and fit in perfectly. Who am I kidding. I miss her most all the time anyway), but more toned down.

I even liked her mother! My impressions from the stories she told was awful! But her mother was a lovely woman as well, they all were. I just wanted to keep Mrs. P (her grandmother).


Pic of Kristin's family

That's her family, part of it. Her cousin, my future sister-in-law, her aunt, and her mother. Her step-sister and grandmother were also at the shower but decided to not pile on the couch.

Our side of the family was represented by my baby brother's girlfriend, Mom, myself and a friend of my little brother from college. She came down, not knowing anyone. A very brave woman. I really liked her too. She was, as mom said, "Our kind of people." Really down to earth, friendly and non-pretentious.

Everyone left about 5:30 or 6 and I stayed until about 9:30. It was wonderful to just sit and talk to Mom. Hang out.

Mom let me borrow one of her yoga mats and the dvd. So yesterday morning and this morning I've done the dvd. This morning was rough though. My lower back was SCREAMING at me through a couple poses. I think I need to let my muscles wake up a little before I do that. Maybe it would be a good end of the day/after coming from the gym/pool/Curves sort of thing?

I will say though, it's going a long way to strengthening my arms and shoulders. The Cat Chatarungas (sp?) seem to be getting easier. Though my shoulders didn't like me very much yesterday, they seem to be complaining today of the lack of work. (My body is weird!)

Overall, I think that DVD is good to squeeze in when I don't have time or don't want to be dripping with sweat, but I don't think it should replace a work-out. (Though the morning of my brother's wedding, that is what I plan on doing.)

What I am and am not eating has been on my mind a lot recently.

As you know (or may not know) I've gone through many a change diet wise recently. My latest attempt was paleo. And when I was following it strictly, I felt pretty good. However, I felt just as good when I was eating almost vegetarian as well. (I will never go strictly vegetarian, primarily because I am trying to avoid soy like the plague because of what it does to thyroid production.)

In all of my thunking (sorry for being vague, I'm still processing it all, so details are scattered about in my head) I've come to the conclusion that I just need to be me.

I'm not much of a follower, but I'm not a leader either. I kind of dance to my own drum beat (for the most part). Finding the way my food drum beats is the journey I'm on now. Weight loss is definitely a part of that, but finding where my body is happy in the food spectrum is more important I think.

What about just normal eating? I guess it's called intuitive or mindful eating . . . Eating when ones body says its hungry.

Honestly? I'm tired of thinking so hard about what I'm eating. I just want to make something, toss it on a plate and eat it.

I'm tired of trying to figure out if it's supposed to be eaten with this way of eating or that way of eating; this diet or that diet.

I QUIT!

I'm going to continue to eat healthy and just take bits and pieces from each discipline and eat the way my body wants me to eat.

I am finding that I can hear a little bit better what my body wants (most of the time its saying SUGAR! ha ha ha) and if I continue to listen to that and continue feeding it healthy foods that will give it the energy to do what I want. <----Now if I could get that into my brain, we'd be golden . . . maybe one day.

I'm not real sure what that is going to look like, but I do know smoothies will definitely be a big part of it and white sugar will not be. I'm still trying to phase out sugar. I should just go cold turkey. But really? If I do that, I don't want ANY sugar. Then I get cranky, angry, and not nice and relapse into a 3-a-day soda habit. (And that's why I'm back up to 210.)

So I'm going to phase it out. Minimizing my sugar intake and ensuring I'm staying hydrated. I've found that if I drink enough water . . . I don't want soda.

OH! And my new discovery with water?

Lemons and Limes

Slice up 1/2 a lemon and 1/2 a lime and cover it in ice and water. After a bit, it's perfect! I actually have a slice of lemon and a slice of lime in my brita filter in the fridge. I think it's time to change them because my water is getting a little pulpy and very citrusy tasting

Just a few more thoughts.

I was thinking about this when I jumped on the scale at the gym and it registered 212. I'm back where I was when I decided to leave Weight Watchers and begin the paleo diet.

I've been trying to figure out what the difference is. Do I go back to eating paleo? Or do I cut out sugar, continue striving toward being totally gluten free and maybe one day I'll find myself back at paleo? This time simply having made the little decisions along the way and snuck up on it?

For right now, I'm not happy with my weight, but it's getting better. The more I work-out, the more confident in my own skin. And if nothing else, that's worth millions!

Losing It

Weight. I'm talking about losing weight.

No, really. I am. That's been part of my plan with this blog all along. During my recent disappearing acts I've been yo-yoing like a mad woman. I've dipped as low as 202 and gone back up to 212. And bounced around 212. I've started and stopped exercising and started back up again. (And back and forth and back and forth and . . . You get the point.)

I've toyed with the idea of various types of eating. Vegetarian (sans soy), going back to paleo, eating only when I'm hungry, raw, high raw. You name it, I've probably toyed with the idea of it over the past several weeks.

At the same time, people talking about tracking what they're eating have been showing up everywhere. (Ever feel like the Universe is trying to tell you something?) While I haven't out right rejected tracking what I eat, it's always an overwhelming prospect for me. I think because when I did WW it just felt overwhelming. Figuring out what I ate, how much I ate, and how many points it was. (That makes me tired just thinking about it!)

Did I do a lot of tracking when I was in WW?

No.

Have I done ANY since I've left WW?

NO

Have I thought about it?

Sure. But I sorta get the same overwhelmed feeling when ever I think about it.

I've thought about going food bloggie-esque and putting everything I ate on here. But do you really want to see my boring dishes? (Seems like all the food bloggers have some gorgeous & interesting dishes. Mine . . . boring and not very pretty. They didn't live up to the picture on the box. :-( Oh well. I'm in search of new ones to ask for Christmas. And suggestions?)

I have started . . . sorta . . . planning all of my meals. I'm not terribly good at following the plan. Which reminds me. I do need to sit down and plan out my meals for the next week.

I've also decided to jump in on #dropdeadgorgeousbydecember. A movement that Half of Jess is doing. I've watched on twitter and the blogs as #awesomebyaugust and #superbyseptember go by, partially wishing that I was taking part.

But let's face it . . .

I'm lazy. I've got a full plate, but I'm also supremely lazy and a skilled procrastinator. (My Italian could tell you that, but I think he's still fuming about my last procrastination binge . . . He's task oriented, OCD task oriented.)

However, I like a challenge. And as #dropdeadgorgeousbydecember isn't a contest and doesn't focus purely on weight, I'm all about it.

It will not be focused primarily on weight, and weigh-ins are optional.
Why?
Because being gorgeous shouldn’t be defined solely by a number. You are more than just a number.

Go check out her site and the rules . . . I'll wait right here . . .

Jeopardy music playing  

See what I mean? It's perfect! 

When I started this blog, I didn't want it to just be about weight loss, but I wanted it to encompass my whole life. My lack of house-keeping skills included (See, I told you I was lazy . . . mmm . . . that's too honest, let's call me a slacker). 

Sure, I've been focusing on my weight-loss (or lack there of); mostly because . . . well do you really want to see this?

And have me admit to you that maybe it only looks mildly better?I mean I can fit the vacuum cleaner in there now. Don't even ask to look at my side of our bedroom! (Carpet? Color? What??)

Now that you're completely terrified . . . Our kitchen is clean. But not organized (I think we need a bigger kitchen . . . Or a place where the ceilings are not so tall I can't reach, even on a chair! But that's another story).

And our bathrooms aren't so bad. (No, no disclaimers here . . . just if you're coming over, give me a heads up, so I can "spruce" it up.)

All of that to say that #dropdeadgorgeousbydecember could not have come at a better time and is definitely the kick in the butt that I think I need.

Why?

Because while this is a challenge against me, myself and I and there are no "losers", if I do not meet my goals . . . I have defeated myself and lost.

3 months of keeping on top of a certain goal is bound to make it a habit and make life a far better place for my Italian (and make him a happier Italian) and myself.

Here goes everything!

And maybe you'll get more pictures looking like this:

s

source

Don't I wish that was my closet!

And less like this:

 

Separate but Me

After lots of thunkin' and debating . . . I've created a facebook page for my blog! YAY!! Come friend me! (Yes, I'm whoring myself out there. Hey! It's what I do! HEE!)

It's been a long debate. I've wanted to put one up, but at the same time, I like to keep my family life and my blog life (as if I don't intermingle them here anyway?) separate. (<--- I CAN NOT spell that word for the life of me! Driving me crazy!)

I posted the question on twitter, but want your thoughts on it. Do you keep your blog world and IRL world separate? Do they intermingle?

Not that I want to stay TOTALLY behind the computer screen . . . but I want to be me and express myself without the outward pressure of family. Ya know, worrying that they'll get upset and cause family drama. (Oy vey! Don't get me started on Italian family drama! Mama Italian isn't even Italian but geez . . . the drama some of the stuff I've written on my blog would start! SHEESH!)

I do want to get out there and say Hi! (Even if Logan monster is my face right now!)

So . . .

HI!!!!

(that's not nearly big enough :-( Oh well . . . )

Come say hi! Tweet me, friend me on facebook! I don't bite . . . much . . . or very hard . . . er . . . yea.

Random Thoughts

I often have random thoughts pop in my head and sometimes, I'm simply too lazy to put them up on twitter. Or I'm afraid they may be too random or strange. So I decided to create a blog post. Enjoy!

I wonder if it's possible to be vegetarian and still avoid soy and soy products.

Why is it once you decide to record your thoughts they all go away?

I can't believe I forgot to pick up an avocado when we were at the grocery!

Speaking of grocery, I think we're going to be out of fruit by the end of the day. Do you think my Italian will let me go get some more?

How'd we run out of food so fast?

Ugh . . . I can't seem to wake up today. Of course I slept like a rock last night. I didn't move at all. Could that be why my back is stiff?

I need to buy mushrooms this week. Mushrooms and avocados.

My tweetdeck is up! I'd forgotten that was up! YAY!! Time to catch up on the stuff that people are saying I guess.

Why does my Mentions never come up? That's really annoying.

Tweet from SmoothieDrinker: Looking for something to replace your morning coffee? Try putting Maca in a green smoothie. http://bit.ly/9nrp7p - I did that and I was still falling asleep. Maybe I didn't put enough in there? Or maybe it's expired? I do know I'm running low. Am I supposed to keep it in the fridge?

I really need to NOT pull up facebook in the morning. I'm so much more productive when it's not up.

These savory oats look yummy!!

I need to remember to bring my brown bag on Friday so I can load up all my lunch dishes and take them home. (It's REALLY bad! I've got 4 glasses and countless plastic-ware.)

Yoville is annoying but so addictive. <-- Did I spell that right?

Okay, Boss-lady leaving early for lunch is getting really annoying because I know she won't be back until at least 2:30. But she has a shit fit if I'm late back from lunch? So she can interrupt my lunch but I can't interfere with hers? WTF!

Lunch is over . . . but I still want a salad . . . I need to focus and get my pile done so I can get the newspapers knocked out. Focus Em! Focus! Here's the deal. You finish you're pile, you can go make a salad. Deal? Good. Now go work!

What is tempeh anyway? And how do you pronounce it?

I think our copier is dying. It's making the worst squeaking sound every time someone uses it. Or a ROUS is stuck in there.

Why do people call all at once when I'm the only one answering the phones! ACK!! One at a time peoples!

Where is Big Bossman anyway? And why is he not answering his cell phone? BAD BBM!


Stuffed mushrooms sounds good.

I need pizza. I've been craving it since Saturday!

Smack is a strange last name.

A lot of Richmond tweeps have been following me recently. Which is nifty coolness, cause I'm in Richmond!

DOH! I wanted to go down to the Fountain Bookstore during my lunch!

I wonder if it's still raining out.

Okay Focus!! Remember! Yummy salad?

Actually I think I need to eat a monster salad anyway. I think the salad expires tomorrow! EEEK!

How does one de-seed a tomato? Isn't that basically what tomatoes are?

Okay people, you have direct lines. Give your friends and family your direct line and quit sending through the main line! I'm tired of talking to your children!

Do Magic Bullets still require you to plug into the wall? Or are they portable? I want one.

Okay now for real, I've GOT to get back to work. (Yes, this was very distracting, but fun!) I hope you enjoyed a peek inside my brain. Obviously very food oriented today!

Hey! Not fair for doing that!

Ooops . . .

I just noticed the background for my blog had disappeared! ERGH!

Does this one look okay?

Doin' The Happy Dance

This weekend was FABULOUS! My Italian is pretty worn out from getting up early for work all week (not that he wasn't in the first place. He was getting up with me). We've decided to get up at 5 so I can get some sort of movement in before work.

Saturday he decided to sleep in. The poor man still woke up at 8. I got up an hour later, fed the cats and closed the door to our room to let him sleep. Or so I thought. Apparently he laid in bed for 4 hours trying to go back to sleep . . . it didn't happen. (I probably should have put Moulin Rouge in for him. That would have knocked him right out!)

We had to get all of our chores done Saturday, since we were spending Sunday at my folk's. Grocery shopping, laundry, cat box scrubbing (thankfully just a once a month chore. My Italian (Lord, bless him) cleans out the box every other day) and other various things. I'd vacuumed Friday morning since we had poker at the house on Friday night (another reason we slept in).

Sunday we got up raced off to church and while my Italian stayed for Grace Cafe (once a month our church has a meal after church) and the pinewood derby I raced out to pick up Baby Bro & Dad's birthday presents. Then it was back home to pack up the van (seriously! Going to my parents with my Italian, since his surgery, is an adventure).

Manual wheelchair . . . check
Accoutrement to wheelchair . . . check
Presents . . . check
2 sticks of butter Mom asked me to bring . . . I'll grab them in a minute
Husband . . . check
Off we go!

Yeah. I forgot the butter. No worries though because Mom sent Dad to the store for ice right after we got there, so he picked up butter too. Phew! Crisis averted.

Future sister-in-law and . . .

wait for it

ARMY BRO!

arrived next!

I haven't seen him since Christmas. It was SO SO SO! good to see him. He's on leave for a week. Tomorrow bright and early he and future sister-in-law (I'm really gonna have to find a new name for her) are headed down to North Carolina to do wedding stuff for a couple days only to turn around to head back to Virginia to meet with the guy who is marrying them for marriage counseling. (That's kind of hard to do when you're on opposite coasts).

Army Bro flies back on Saturday I think. I'm hoping to get to see him on Friday for lunch. That would be fabulous.

Once he flies back to California, he won't be back until Labor Day weekend. He's almost literally flying in to get married. He'll fly in Friday, Baby Bro will pick him up and they'll go down to NC with the other groomsmen for a bachelor party. Saturday is the rehersal and rehearsal dinner. He gets married Sunday and flies back to California on Monday.

A whirl-wind wedding weekend!

In other news . . .

My Italian is LOVING his job. He told me "It fits well with my OCD" one evening when we were driving home from work. I quite literally had to stop the car and pull over I was laughing so hard! He is so happy too.

We're still ironing out the kinks of transportation, but we're getting there.

Picking him up in the afternoon . . . SUCKS!

It takes me 20 minutes to get from his work to mine in the morning. 45 to get from mine to his in the afternoon! Eeewww!

I still want to move over there though. Next summer . . . Hopefully . . .

OH! Speaking of weddings (Yes, I'm a little ADD). I did mention that I wanted to be under 200 lbs for my brother's wedding right? Well, we're a month away and I weight 210 lbs. (Solid. No point anything.)

Needless to say, I'm getting a little nervous about it.

The bridesmaids' dresses have come in and future sister-in-law is dropping mine off at my parents' on Tuesday. So Saturday I'll be able to try it on and see how it fits.

AND

Go shopping with Mom for a rehearsal dinner dress and shoes for both dresses (as well as a pair of black flats for work and more sheets for our bed.)

It's been great! I've gotten to see my parents three (will be) weekends in a row! That NEVER happens. It's not like we're that far away, but its far enough away that when I do go up there, I want to be there all day long.

(Which reminds me, maybe I can get up there early on Saturday and Mom and I can go blackberry picking! YUM! I heart blackberries)

Okay, I've got 15 minutes left in my lunch. I need to go make my salad and food my self . . . er . . . umm . . . feed myself?

Romaine lettuce, carrots, almonds (maybe), grape tomatoes and pepperonis.

Okay seriously . . . Off I go!

OH! I forgot the pictures for the last post! I will pull those off my camera soon and repost it with all the loverly pictures. (And maybe some beach ones too?)