Saturday, August 21, 2010

Returning to Being Me

Hrmm . . . I guess I should check my draft folder more often! I wrote this mid/end of July. I think I was waiting to get pictures off my camera for it. But ya know . . . It's all still very true!

Hi guys! I'm back! I've been back from the beach for 2 weeks now and still trying to really plug back in.

Inching out of vacation mode I guess?

It's lovely though. I did manage to start and finish my first knitted scarf. Put scarf pictures here

Isn't it pretty?

Mom loved it! I should have gotten a picture of her with it . . . but I didn't. Red is so TOTALLY her color too.

I had started on another one a variegated purple, which I left at my folk's house. (Ergh!)

I was up home for a bridal shower for my future sister-in-law. I got up there in the morning to help Mom set up for the shower.

My goal recently has been to work out twice a day. That, more often than not, NOT happening; I strive to work out at least once.

Well trying to get myself and my Italian ready, the monsters fed as well as lunch and dinner made for my Italian (the poor man ate peanut butter & honey sandwiches for lunch and dinner, but that's what he wanted! *sigh* I love that man!) working out got pushed to the back and didn't happen.

Then I remembered.

Mom had a yoga dvd that she used to do all the time. So when we got done setting everything up and Mom went up to get a shower I tried out the DVD. It felt really really good.

Maybe there is something to this yoga thing after all. It was only 20 minutes, but that seemed to be enough to get a light sheen of sweat going and I felt like I accomplished something.

The bridal shower was a success. It was neat to meet her family. I have completely fallen in love with her grandmother. I truly, truly wanted to keep her. She was a lovely woman who in some ways reminded me of Buh, my paternal grandmother (who was missed greatly at the shower. She would have loved it and fit in perfectly. Who am I kidding. I miss her most all the time anyway), but more toned down.

I even liked her mother! My impressions from the stories she told was awful! But her mother was a lovely woman as well, they all were. I just wanted to keep Mrs. P (her grandmother).

Pic of Kristin's family

That's her family, part of it. Her cousin, my future sister-in-law, her aunt, and her mother. Her step-sister and grandmother were also at the shower but decided to not pile on the couch.

Our side of the family was represented by my baby brother's girlfriend, Mom, myself and a friend of my little brother from college. She came down, not knowing anyone. A very brave woman. I really liked her too. She was, as mom said, "Our kind of people." Really down to earth, friendly and non-pretentious.

Everyone left about 5:30 or 6 and I stayed until about 9:30. It was wonderful to just sit and talk to Mom. Hang out.

Mom let me borrow one of her yoga mats and the dvd. So yesterday morning and this morning I've done the dvd. This morning was rough though. My lower back was SCREAMING at me through a couple poses. I think I need to let my muscles wake up a little before I do that. Maybe it would be a good end of the day/after coming from the gym/pool/Curves sort of thing?

I will say though, it's going a long way to strengthening my arms and shoulders. The Cat Chatarungas (sp?) seem to be getting easier. Though my shoulders didn't like me very much yesterday, they seem to be complaining today of the lack of work. (My body is weird!)

Overall, I think that DVD is good to squeeze in when I don't have time or don't want to be dripping with sweat, but I don't think it should replace a work-out. (Though the morning of my brother's wedding, that is what I plan on doing.)

What I am and am not eating has been on my mind a lot recently.

As you know (or may not know) I've gone through many a change diet wise recently. My latest attempt was paleo. And when I was following it strictly, I felt pretty good. However, I felt just as good when I was eating almost vegetarian as well. (I will never go strictly vegetarian, primarily because I am trying to avoid soy like the plague because of what it does to thyroid production.)

In all of my thunking (sorry for being vague, I'm still processing it all, so details are scattered about in my head) I've come to the conclusion that I just need to be me.

I'm not much of a follower, but I'm not a leader either. I kind of dance to my own drum beat (for the most part). Finding the way my food drum beats is the journey I'm on now. Weight loss is definitely a part of that, but finding where my body is happy in the food spectrum is more important I think.

What about just normal eating? I guess it's called intuitive or mindful eating . . . Eating when ones body says its hungry.

Honestly? I'm tired of thinking so hard about what I'm eating. I just want to make something, toss it on a plate and eat it.

I'm tired of trying to figure out if it's supposed to be eaten with this way of eating or that way of eating; this diet or that diet.


I'm going to continue to eat healthy and just take bits and pieces from each discipline and eat the way my body wants me to eat.

I am finding that I can hear a little bit better what my body wants (most of the time its saying SUGAR! ha ha ha) and if I continue to listen to that and continue feeding it healthy foods that will give it the energy to do what I want. <----Now if I could get that into my brain, we'd be golden . . . maybe one day.

I'm not real sure what that is going to look like, but I do know smoothies will definitely be a big part of it and white sugar will not be. I'm still trying to phase out sugar. I should just go cold turkey. But really? If I do that, I don't want ANY sugar. Then I get cranky, angry, and not nice and relapse into a 3-a-day soda habit. (And that's why I'm back up to 210.)

So I'm going to phase it out. Minimizing my sugar intake and ensuring I'm staying hydrated. I've found that if I drink enough water . . . I don't want soda.

OH! And my new discovery with water?

Lemons and Limes

Slice up 1/2 a lemon and 1/2 a lime and cover it in ice and water. After a bit, it's perfect! I actually have a slice of lemon and a slice of lime in my brita filter in the fridge. I think it's time to change them because my water is getting a little pulpy and very citrusy tasting

Just a few more thoughts.

I was thinking about this when I jumped on the scale at the gym and it registered 212. I'm back where I was when I decided to leave Weight Watchers and begin the paleo diet.

I've been trying to figure out what the difference is. Do I go back to eating paleo? Or do I cut out sugar, continue striving toward being totally gluten free and maybe one day I'll find myself back at paleo? This time simply having made the little decisions along the way and snuck up on it?

For right now, I'm not happy with my weight, but it's getting better. The more I work-out, the more confident in my own skin. And if nothing else, that's worth millions!


  1. That's great that you've come to this conclusion. I feel much the same way - which is why I am NOT counting calories for the week. And hopefully I will be able to continue not counting calories afterward. I don't want to feel enslaved by it, and I don't want to think "Oh I can keep eating because I have x amount of calories allotted to me today". I want to eat because it is food that I'm hungry for, not because I "think" I should be eating it or because I think I have extra calories so I might as well eat more.

    And I'm not happy with my weight at present either - but yes, it does help to be confident with yourself!

  2. Sagan,

    That was the trap I fell into w/ WW. "OH! I have points . . . let me figure out how to eat them." (Essentially what you said.

    I am back at my 2-3 cans of soda a day habit (while at work), but I'm working on kicking it.

    I'm rooting for you! We can do it!