The Next 6

I know, I know. In the last post I said I had lots to tell you about and I've still not told you about it all (or made any progress in that direction either).
What I have been doing is thinking. I mentioned that near the beginning of this month I turned 30. If you'd told me at 20 that I would still not have any children, I would have laughed in your face.

My plan was to be done having babies by 30. It looks like I may be starting to have babies at 30.
No. I'm not pregnant. :-( Not yet at least.
The Italian has been willing to start thinking in that direction recently, especially since he's started working again.
I have it stuck in my head that we'll start trying for babies in March. In order for that to happen, a few things need to happen first:

1. I need to get be euthyroid. In other words, my thyroid is functioning normally.
2. I need to shed as much of the excess weight that I'm carrying as I can.
3. I need to get into better physical shape.

I have an appointment with my favorite endo, Dr. Mini-Giant in November to do bloodwork and see where I am. Right now, I'm feeling good with the level of thyroid replacement hormone that I'm on. I'm feeling like me again. Or closer than I have been in the past couple years. I think, at least for the moment, I'm on the right level of medication. Now it could change tomorrow, it could change next year. I don't know.

2 and 3 sort of go together. I don't simply want to lose the excess weight, but I also want to be as healthy, strong and fit as I possibly can be. When I go back to see Dr. Mini-Giant or even when I go see my gyno, next month, I am seriously considering asking one of them for a referral to a nutritionist or registered dietitian.
I've been playing with my diet and eating methods for quite a while now. I felt my best the short time I was eating paleo, but the eating meat so often was quite overwhelming. I didn't grow up vegetarian, but we didn't eat a whole lot of meat either.
In talking to mom a while back, I came to the conclusion that it was really the absence of grains that made the difference! So while I may end up eating primal/paleo again, I'm taking my time with it this time around.
The first step in that is cutting out gluten. It's only been a week and half, but I'm pretty happy with the way things are going.
Eventually I plan on cutting out all grains, but I think I do want to talk to someone who knows what they're talking about!

3 also stands on its own. I'm working on a work-out plan that will be real lifeable. I already swim twice a week (Wednesdays and Saturdays) but I'd like to incorporate some weight training and maybe even defeat the C25k monster that's been mocking me.

So that's my next 6 months. Maybe this time next year, I'll be discussing how close I am to a little one joining us! (here's hoping)

Fighting for my thyroid

September 13 - 19 is Invisible Illness Awareness Week. It's a week dedicated to bringing to light many of the illnesses/diseases that people deal with day-to-day that aren't visible at just a glance. 

Back in August of 2008, a little over a month before I was supposed to marry the Italian, I went to see a brand new doctor to get a check-up. Something I hadn't done in YEARS! I was overweight, but seemed healthy. He did some bloodwork and I got a call a week later telling me that I was hypothyroid. Essentially, my thyroid wasn't producing enough hormone.
As soon as I got off the phone with my doctor, I called my mom in an utter panic! My crazy uncle was hypothyroid right? I'm going to turn into him! A completely incompetent, self-centered crazy person! Mom confirmed that my uncle was hypothyroid too, but I wasn't going to turn into him as he had other issues as well. Mom wasn't terrible surprised at my diagnosis as it explained all the weight I had suddenly gained. (I had written it off to being back working in a call center. Though I was amazed I had held off gaining tons of weight for so long, then *poof* it all appeared. It now makes sense).

I began doing research (while trying to do the last minute planning for my wedding), and everything I read pointed me towards Hashimoto's disease. Not that I could really understand a lot of what I was reading. It all seemed to be written in gibberish. I continued going to see my GP and he would up my doseages in the goal to bring me down to a "normal person's" level. Meanwhile, the symptoms I had read about when I first diagnosed where starting to pop up.

• Fatigue - though it was never really too bad. I just felt worn out at the end of the day. And I wanted to sleep a lot, but that's the way I've always been. I LOVE my sleep! My husband noticed it more than I did.
• Crazy Week - I went to go see my GP after I had spent a week feeling like I was losing my mind. I honestly thought I was going crazy! After some questions about my family history with depression and anxiety, he put me on an anti-depressant.
• Migranes - This was a new one. Headaches lasting for days on end, and I always knew when one was coming on because hours before I would have light spots in front of my eyes. (Like you get when you look at something bright then look away. It took him a while to put me on a migrane medication and then we had to battle the insurance company, but I was put on Topomax.
• Brain Farts/CRS (Can't Remember Shit) - More often called brain fog, but mine never felt foggy. I just couldn't think or concentrate some days . . . I guess that's brain fog.
• High Cholesterol - It went up and down as my TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone) numbers went up and down. We battled over that one and had the same conversation over and over and over. He would put me on it, we'd get my blood work back and my numbers were fine and I would take myself off of it. 

Earlier this year I finally had enough and broke up with my GP. Not for good, but he's no longer running the thyroid show. I found a fabulous endocrinologist who not only GOT that my thyroid numbers & cholesterol were related, but he was willing to treat my entire endocrine system as a whole, not just rely on my TSH numbers.
At my last appointment we were discussing my week old blood work results (as opposed to 6 months old, like I would with my GP) and my suspicions of Hashimoto's came up. It was confirmed. I have Hashimoto's disease.

What's Hashi . . .Hash . . . Hashi-who?

Hashimoto's Disease is an auto-immune disease. Essentially, the immune system doesn't recognize the thyroid anymore and begins attacking (though my endo said attacking is the wrong word. Sounds right to me from what I've read!) it with anti-bodies. It slowly kills the thyroid until it quits working altogether.
And that pretty much has exhausted my knowledge of Hashimoto's.

Thyroid disease, be it Hashimoto's, Grave's Disease (the anti-immune cousin to Hashimoto's), hyperthyroidism, or hypothyroidism, truly are invisible. It is an under-diagnosed disease and one that disguises itself as a whole spectrum of issues.
Sure, to lose weight you're supposed to eat less and move more. But when you're too tired to get out of bed and really aren't eating much at all anyway, but still gaining weight . . . what do you do?
I've been fortunate in that I think mine was caught near the beginning. I've had a lot of luck with finding a doctor who treats me as a patient and not as numbers.

However, dealing with Hashimoto's is still a daily battle. My medicine was upped and before I could get to fill my new prescription, my thyroid meds ran out. In the past week, I've experienced exhaustion like I have never known. (I know, I should have gotten to the pharmacy and picked them up. But you know that brain fog I was talking about earlier? Yea . . . I don't think about it until I'm

• home in bed
• at work w/o the credit card (and my Italian doesn't drive)
• out somewhere w/o the credit card or prescription (or I have one and not the other)

I did finally get my act together this morning and I have both! Now to remember to GO to the pharmacy. Oy!

Even on medication, my "normal" isn't the average normal. I still struggle with irrational insecurity (lending its way to very mild paranoia at times), fatigue, and the inability to concentrate (I fondly call it my ADD). Overall, I'm lucky though. I am able to function in normal society and appear normal. Most days, I even feel normal and forget that it's a little pill I take first thing in the morning that is helping me keep my sanity.

IT SUCKS!

I'm still learning about this and how best to battle my own immune system in protection of a gland that, essentially, helps keep my body balanced. And while I may be fighting a losing battle, I'm bound and determined to stretch this battle as long as it will go and do whatever it takes to protect the little butterfly in my throat!

A few of my favorite thypeeps who I have leaned heavy on and learned a lot from:

Dear Thyroid : A website that is committed to bringing thyroid disease to the forefront and being a support community to those battling thyroid disease.

Dear Thyroid is committed to being part of the solution. As a community, we invoke change, one letter, one column, one image, one meet-up, one awareness band at a time. We are a collective, unrelenting, unstoppable movement. Join us.

Hypogirl : shhhhh . . . I absolutely love her! I have learned a lot from her podcasts and her website is full of kittehs! (Her meows are adorable!)

Mary Shomon : The Queen of Thyroid patient advocacy. I found her when I was first diagnosed with hypothyroidism and she was able to put what I was reading into English.

What do I eat from here?

These past couple weeks have been absolutely craziness!

The Highlights

• last Tuesday (August 31) I went to my endo appointment and he confirmed my suspicions that my strain of hypothyroidism is Hashimoto's.
• Army Bro got married in Manteo, NC (just outside Nags Head) over Labor Day weekend, so future sis-in-law is now Sis-in-law!
• I turned 30
• Baby Bro proposed to his girlfriend today. I now have a new future Sis-in-Law! 
• I spent a majority of my day off at DMV getting my license renewed (to the tune of $617!)

I guess it's really been the past week, week and half. Still. I'm glad it's the weekend, not that I'm stopping any.

It's been a busy one! With it all I've been mulling over the fate of this here blog. I enjoy doing this, it's kinda like therapy for me, but it feels sorta directionless. Sure, I'm trying to lose weight, but there's so much more going on!

I am still trying to figure out what sort of food objects my body is happiest on. I know what my mouth likes . . .

• chocolate
• coke (translastion: soda)
• chocolate milkshakes
• fast food french-fries
• Lays potato chip

But that's not what's best for me (or my waistline). And I will freely admit to having indulged multiple times in the past month. Especially coke.
The coke fiasco has been bad enough that I had a migrane (started out as a stress headache) from Saturday afternoon through Tuesday evening. How did I finally get ride of it? While I was grocery shopping I picked up a 20oz Dr. Pepper and slammed it down my throat on my way to pick up my Italian from the pool.
Unfortunately, I've not really cut back on my soda intake this week while at work.
But the headache through the ArmyBro's wedding weekend (maybe it was more alcohol than I'm used to drinking contributed slightly? But an almost permanent hangover, that sleep won't knock out? Naaaah) has cleared one thing up in my head quite clearly. Coke . . . soda . . . pop . . . whatever you want to call it has GOT to go.
I thought I had kicked the habit earlier this year. I guess it's one that I need to stay away from a little bit longer.
The other strange thing about the headache was that I normally am soda-free on the weekends. The reason I indulge during the week is that it's sitting in the fridge at work calling. "Em, Em. Come drink us. You know you want one. Come on. Just one won't hurt. You can pour us into a smaller cup and pretend like you're not drinking as much. Just one, come on Em."
Then two or three of them end: up from my hand into the recycling bin by the end of the day. Some days more. It's a rare day, recently, that it's less. (Ugh . . . the craving for a soda has kicked in now! Fortunately we don't have any in the house.)

To be honest with you, I'm tired of writing these types of posts. I'm tired of trying to figure out what my eating pattern looks . . . what my healthy eating pattern looks like.
Though if I were truly honest with myself, my search has truly been half-hearted. I go full speed ahead into something and it lasts 2 . . . 2 1/2 weeks, then I get bored, overwhelmed or just simply lazy and move onto the next thing. Or revert back to my old habits.

HOWEVER, my dabbling in various forms of eating has led me to this knowledge of myself (and that's what life is right? A journey of figuring one's self out?) :

My body likes fats. It operates better on a fattier diet. It's not big on grains though.

Reading that, going primal or paleo sounds like the best way to go. For me the pure amount of meat I ate was overwhelming. And I missed legumes. I grew up more flexitarian than anything, if I had to put a label on it. Mom traded meat out for beans and that sort of thing. She went through a mercifully short tofu phase. None of us really liked it. I just remember it tasting like huge chunks of peanut butter. I think Mom made a stir fry or something with it. 

So I'm thinking, based on what I know about myself and the way my body works.

• fat is good
• soy is out
• gluten is out
• grains may be phased out or at least minimized
• too much meat is overwhelming
• no meat is not an option as I don't do soy. (Is there another option to meat besides soy?)
• soda needs to go
• sugar needs to say bye-bye-bye.

The Italian and I have joined back on Weight Watchers. We're doing the online version, but it still really helps. I don't know when he decided, but on the way home from Manteo, NC, my Italian informed me that he was not eating sweets anymore.

WHAT! 

He tells me this, on my birthday, while I'm talking about the cake that I'm going to make for myself for my birthday the next day (which didn't happen as I was at DMV for half the day). That is definitely going to make it sorta easier. But then it's not because I'll just eat it when I'm not home or out with him. However, not having an allowance anymore will make it easier because I won't have the money to buy the junk food, but when I do get money is that where it will go?

What about the Hashi's diagnosis? What can I eat to help my thyroid defend itself from my immune system? Or distract my immune system from attacking my thyroid?

What do I eat from here?

More thyroid thoughts

My endo, Dr. Mini-Giant, mentioned that my thyroid felt enlarged. Which didn't bother me (or maybe register) until today.

So of course off I go, looking up and researching enlarged thyroids. (Mine isn't so big you can see it) Apparently the two causes are iodine deficiency or Hashimoto's Disease. *sigh* Which I forgot to ask about! Damn it!

Both are things I've wondered about and wanted to get checked out. In the US an iodine deficiency is rare because it's so plugged into our foods. But I'm not a big salt person . . . never have been.

Hashimoto's Disease is genetic. My "crazy uncle" is hypothyroid (but we're not going there. That's a story that I don't want to get into), so I know I came by it honestly. I have theories that my dad maybe too. So Hashi's is a definite possibility.

When I started doing research on enlarged thyroids, thyroid nodules also came up, as well as thyroid cancer.

Okay . . . I really don't want to be a hypochondriac, but this stuff is FREAKING ME OUT!

I still need to fax over my health insurance card to my endo's office and I'm anxiously awaiting my test results. I'm sure they won't come back for a week, but still . . .

I WANT THEM NOW!

Freak out much? Oy . . .

Okay . . .

It's lunch time . . . I'm hungary <---yes, I know that's misspelled.

I'm going to go to my car, get my insurance card and get some lunch.

Thanks for letting me freak out a little!